Sometimes I write, sometimes I wrong

FUCK THIS SHIT

2011-07-04T02:09:00.000-07:00

I'm on tumblr now
http://jaygotjokes.tumblr.com/

growth

2010-09-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

Still fine tuning my craft. I've gotten the comfortability on stage pretty much down...now I'm just writing and editing my act to make it flow right.

hmmm...is this racist???

2010-09-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

Hello...it's John again. Remember a couple blogs back when I talked about the guy I grew up with who ended up being a stereotypical republican right winger? Well dude is back to his old tricks again... Dude posted a joke (and I use that term lightly) in his status. And the problem with it, besides it not being funny, is everything it implies.

It's true what they say, if you just sit back and observe, you can learn everything you want to know about a person...because they'll show you themselves.

I still am debating on whether or not it's worth it to comment on this. What do ya'll think?

I crack myself up

2010-08-06T15:29:00.000-07:00

Ninja what?? Ninja who??

2010-07-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

(via http://daynanicole.posterous.com)

??Objectively biased??

2010-07-16T09:06:00.001-07:00

So I'm on facebook when I come across this pic in a friend's photo album.

Come to find out guy a grew up with has different political (opinions/allegiances/etc) than I do. No biggie. It happens. My problem is, shit likes this irks the fuck out of me. Like seriously, after seeing this I debated with myself on whether to even say anything at all. I think by now we should all be familiar with how folks on either side with strong views such as this tend to be. Basically, unmovable in their positions.But I just had to say something...This was what I initially came up with (I'm John)

Pretty straight forward. And I even attempted to be objective...or as objective as a person defending another person can be. But even after all that, the homey (disappointingly) replied in the fashion that (Republicans/conservatives/tea party folks) have been characterized to make.

Smh... I dunno if I'm foolish for even trying or cocky for thinking that I can get everyone to think like me...OR BOTH. Yet I'm always compelled in these situations to say something.

Com mo dee

2010-07-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

Comedy is fucking awesome. And yes I meant to say "awesome".Like I wish I had gotten into it earlier. I haven't been this excited being creative since I was a little ankle biter drawing (because I never scribbled) on whatever piece of paper I could round up. 20 some odd years later I've been battered and bruised by folks that don't understand the fact that just because we love our jobs doesn't mean we want to do it for next to nothing. Don't get me wrong I still love to create through drawing and what not... but I like a quick turn over. Back in the day in school when I was drawing for myself I'd get love from myself and others who observed it and that was the pay off. Then when I made it an avenue of income shit got real. Come to find out people generally don't care about art. Mainly because in schools when people are taught about art...NO ONE IS EVER TAUGHT HOW MUCH PEOPLE WERE PAID FOR THESE FAMOUS ART WORKS... I mean that and this fuckin starving artist shit thats goin around. Just because it's a cliche don't mean you should contribute to it bastards...Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanywho. I'm back in that innocent phase now. I love performing. I love it that the reward (laughter) is quick. The only downfall is that, unlike with art which getting your fix is only a pen and a random piece of paper away, I need a stage and an audience to do comedy. To better accustom myself to the intricacies of comedy I need a stage, a mic, and an audience. That sucks. My broke ass needs to get my car up and running again. I need to get my stage time up son.

Rolling with the punches

2010-06-27T04:29:00.000-07:00

Well last night I performed in my very first paid gig. Definitely a landmark for me. Not really happy how it turned out. No so much the show but my performance.

Lemme explain...
First and foremost the show entitled "Tokes and Jokes" took place in a former factory building. This ended up being cool and wack at the same time. Cool because it's just an interesting buiding to be in and whack because it was like 70+ degrees with only one fan. At times waiting for that breeze to come around was like waiting for the bus to come...smh.

Anywho...
The title again for the event was "Tokes and Jokes" it was a medical marijuana event...pretty cool. I figured to myself "how hard could it be to make a bunch of weed heads laugh?"...And for the first half of the show I was right...the other comedians had pretty much no problem getting a high crowd to laugh. But after about a good 2 hours of comedy and an intermission that included a spectacle called the weed olympics, highs started coming down. The heat started becoming more of a factor. 3/4 of the crowd went home.

In these settings you just have to LOVE performing. Which I do. Unfortunately I haven't developed that "don't give a fuck" (trait/quality/skill) yet. Ya see...the relationship between the comedian and the audience is a lot like a boxing match. A (good/tough) (comedian/boxer) can keep his head despite taking punishment from the(opponent/crowd) because they always know there is always the possibility that they can knock them out at any time. Whenever a (comedian/boxer) forgets that this happens...

The weird thing is, despite the small crowd I still got laughs. What got to me was this one couple. I'm positive the reason that I let them get to me was because they were black. And in my mind I figured if I can make them laugh then I'm really doing something. Which was more or less me stereotyping. Who knows what the reason was for them not laughing and giving me what I perceived to be the "nigga get off the stage" look was. The point is I shouldn't have let them faze me. I instantly felt bad after I got off stage. I should've stayed on and performed more. Stuck it out... "Rolled with the punches"

Ya live and ya learn.

uh huh yep

2010-06-19T08:03:00.001-07:00

Well... what's going on in my life.

I haven't been able to get to a stage since I last recorded my last vid. So I'm anxious as fuck.
What's been on my mind since then more or less:
-Gotta get more stage time
-Gotta start hosting open mics
-Gotta figure out how other comedians are opening for more established comedians.

Gotta get shit rolling.

More standup from yours truly

2010-06-04T07:46:00.000-07:00

Off top right quick...

2010-06-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

Excuse me
I'm just writing
just passing thru
Just waving
Just greeting
saying "Hi" to you
Yet sometimes I seem high to you
Never my intent to apply to you
You're in my business
I'm tryin to be less of a private dude

Ring around the collar

2010-06-02T11:24:00.000-07:00

Now maybe I'm just biased because I'm a man...but all this "woe is me I'm getting older and yet I'm still not married" shit is for the birds.

It's a wedding ring, not a drivers license...not a (insert better metaphor here)...

Basically, there is no cut off age for this shit. So in the mean time, have fun. Date. Or better yet do shit that wouldn't be appropriate while being in a relationship or married.

Chill the fuck out.

LIVE!

Marriage is some uber difficult shit. Don't believe me? Check out the statistics. The last thing you want to do is rush into it.

Soooo...about this oil spill in the Gulf...

2010-05-29T13:37:00.001-07:00

English??!! Muthafukka Do you speak it?!?!?

2010-05-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

Sooo...I'm on facebook reading statuses...when a friend of mine puts up a status asking at what age is it dangerous for women to have children.

A couple responses down a lady responds with a sad story of how she knows that after 35 child bearing becomes dangerous. Basically, someone close to her died. The thing that fucked me up though was the fact that she spelled "buried" as "bearded"... So her close friend at age 35 gave birth, was bearded, and now is gone.

No one had the courage to correct her spelling. So I had to use every moral and ethical cell in my body to hold back from laughing at such a fucked up sentence.

I know...I can be a jerk sometimes.

The study of stupid

2010-05-25T09:50:00.000-07:00

I apologize if I've written about this before...because I know I've spoken about it many times.

But It really upsets me that I live in a country (and ultimately a world) that reminisces back on times where oppression was king and thinks this is a heritage worth hanging on to. I'm talking specifically about the confederate flag. You've seen it numerous times. Whenever folks try to be rid of it on a large scale (take it out of state flags etc.). Ignorant folks come out the wood works talking about ya'll trying to take away a piece of my heritage. That's our culture you're tampering with. How folks can't see how absurd this is alludes me.

It came to me the other day that racial oppression is more or less like bullying...times like 1000. Could you imagine if your childhood bullies grew up talking about you see this spitwad...This is apart of my culture...My family has been giving swirlies for generations how dare you take that from us. People would look at them like they were crazy... or at least, I would like to think so... More than likely I'm just giving people too much credit.

ummm...

2010-05-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

Yo...Peace and love to all my followers...especially if you actually check my blogs out. What I've noticed recently is I've been getting responses in some Asian font and or language. I have no idea what any of it says...but I'd like to. Hopefully it's not spam or something like that. That would be disappointing. I've clicked on the bloggers names connected to the comments but I don't see any pictures nor do I see any blogs on the pages so.....

If anyone has a solution to how I could find out for sure I'd appreciate it.

Thanks

A case of the mondays (bitter beer)

2010-05-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice to everybody.

So today I woke up, got hit with the bad news wrote a blog about it, then hit back to my room to sleep off some of the gloominess. In the mean time in between time, whenever I'm feeling really down I always try to keep up the visual "I'm ok" look. Mainly because there is nothing worse than a bunch of folks who could really give 2 fucks about you asking you "what's wrong?", or "are you ok?". That shit is for the birds. So I always try to keep up the facade.

So, I'm chilling in my room lights off taking a nap, when out of nowhere the janitor pops in and decides to clean my bathroom. Dude was about as tactful as dynamite fishing. SMH. But I'm trying my best not to sweat it because like I said before...keeping up the facade. Dude sparks up some small talk asking me where I'm from. I tell him (Maryland). I ask him the same. He answers (Michigan his whole life)...Then for some reason this white janitor decides to tell me that he's married to a Philipino woman 30 years his junior (he's 60)...and that they just had a child together that's now 6 months old. He also tells me that he was somewhat disappointed that his child has his skin color and not his wife's...Blah blah blah and some other bullshit that was unauthentic...It's at this time that I say to myself "FUCK!"

I fucking hate it when I'm talking to someone outside my race and they try to fucking pander to me on some race shit. That shit is phoney as shit. Just because you can stick your fucking dick inside another race doesn't make you a civil rights activist asshole. SMH.

But that's not all. After talking that shit...he says "I don't really care about color anyways"...and I think "awesome...end of conversation"...But I'm wrong. This fuck brings up the bible and then proceeds to tell me a very contridictory tale about how he thinks the Bible says that Black people are cursed...Then the fuck follows it up by saying that back in slavery times that many black people betrayed their own by selling them into slavery. He says it in a way that lets you know he thinks in his tiny brain that betrayal is something unique to just black people.

And just when dude finishes up his bullshit tirade and gives me a space to shut him THE FUCK UP, a nurse comes in and gives me some punk ass tests. And he wanders off to who knows where. Leaving me pissed for a number of reasons..

1.I let that fuck tell me to my face that God cursed Black people.
2.I let that fuck tell me to my face that God cursed Black people.
3.I let that fuck tell me to my face that God cursed Black people..and get away with out either (a)Punching the old out of his 60 year old ass (b)Telling him the truth (c)telling him he's an idiot (d)all of the above.

I'm still arguing with myself wondering if I took the high road or punked out. Money is on the line in there somewhere.

What a fucking day this is so far...

----$----

2010-05-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

Damn son. Shit is falling apart all around me. No sign of hope in sight. One of the only job prospects I had lined up just told that I'm ineligible for the job because my driver's license was suspended. That shit is news to me because I've never gotten so much as a letter informing me so. Shit, my car has been out of commision since December. I got a fucking degree and can't seem to do shit with it as far as bringing in a steady income. Shit is bleek as fuck right now. I don't know what to do. I may HAVE to join the military after all. I can't take much more of this jobless shit. I'm a fucking man. I should be able to support at LEAST myself at bare minimum.

Ni99az is broke...

2010-05-10T17:33:00.000-07:00

Ni99az is broke these days...I'm talking broke on some where the fuck are all the kings horses and all the kings men to put my life back together broke. Shit is hectic. I'm knocking on desperate's door Jehovah's Witness style...Nigga I know you in there...

Get the picture?

Anywho...I've sold my body to science. No bullshit. For the past 7 days I've been confined to a hospital with the stipulations that I have to:

eat everything they give me (3 big meals and 3 snacks a day)
get blood drawn daily, and on two days out of the process I have to have blood drawn every 20 minutes.
get injected with growth hormone four times every day.
two days out of the process I have to pee in a jug for the whole day (for urinalysis)
and finally I have to have 2 rice-sized pieces of muscle cut out of my leg for sampling.

The whole process is 2 weeks long. I'm halfway finished. When I'm done I get a stack (1 thousand bucks).

Is it worth it? Personally I'd rather just have a fucking job. But eh...

Pulling teeth

2010-04-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

Having friends that see their own talents...and pursue them career-wise is a recent phenomenon for me. So the whole concept of people having to beat people over the head in order for them to check out your "talent" is fairly new to me as well. I've always been the type of person that'll give the friend a shot though. If you have a book or a blog, I'll read it. If you do things musically, I'll give it a listen. Etc. It never occurred to me tho that some people would be resistant to checking out your stuff until I personally experienced it. A person told me straight up before they saw anything that they didn't want to see me perform because they don't like to see people fail. Sounds kinda harsh, and more than likely I'm sure it could have been phrased WAY better but I know get the gist of what they were talking about. When people you are close to get into things that require talent it often means that you end up being the first person to have to judge that talent. It's all good if they're good but if they're not sometimes it means you'll be forced to lie to them...or if you're a gangster, telling em straight up tat you're not feeling their stuff. Which can possibly put a strain on ya relationship.

presto-change-o

2010-04-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

It's wild how things change. How things that were once so solid seem to evaporate into the atmosphere...and vice versa.

I promised and therefore I shall deliver

2010-04-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

This set comprises of mostly new jokes but. It went over pretty well. I'm sure once I perform it more it'll clean itself up. But the crowd seemed to like it...Check it out...

grinds my gears

2010-04-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

I hate when old folks talk that "good old days" bullshit...Fuck u talkin about??? You didn't have any rights!!! Talking about times were better...smh.

Sometimes you just have to be like... "fuck it"

2010-04-03T13:54:00.001-07:00

Alright...I finally gathered up the guts to post the vid from that fateful night....The comedy competition.

It was my third time performing in front of a crowd (of non-peers). I was nervous. I was drunk. I said "you know" WAY TOO MANY TIMES...smh @ myself. I messed up some of my big jokes (1:37-4:00). I had a lot on the line...a cash prize of 200 bucks. I lost to somebody I previously didn't even consider to be competition. So after it went down and it didn't go favorably I took it kinda hard... but now I'm a little more comfortable with it because I've gotten better...

**Disclaimer** This comfort could very well leave tomorrow or in an hour...or right after I hit the "publish" button...So check it out while you can.

Anywho... here it is

I still plan on filming and taping myself this wednesday. I should be performing. I spoke to the club today and they said I'm an alternate...Go figure...I call in and am still an alternate.

Now you see it...now you don't

2010-04-02T14:31:00.000-07:00

In a few month I've gotten so confident in my stand up skills that I think I'll finally share it with my blog. I called yesterday to get on the local comedy club showcase open mic list...and considering how I've been able to get a walk on spot to the list the past 2 weeks I should be able to get a spot the legitimate way(calling in)...Or at least you would think right?

So in the event that everything goes as planned I'll video tape and post the act on the blog. This time I'll try not to pump fake.

To be continued April 8th....

------------------------------------------------

Also next week:

I get my "lab rat" on at U of M....should be interesting. And on April 10th I celebrate my 28th year on this planet. Should be fun. I'll be sure to blog about both later.

Peace and love ya'll.

This little light of mine...will blind you

2010-03-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

I hate when people more or less "hate" on other shine. Don't get me wrong sometimes its warranted. Maybe I should be more specific... And I swear this ish happens VERY OFTEN.

(Insert random celebrity name here) gets attention for whatever and then out the blue some random person gets slightly offended at this attention, and states something like "It's a shame that (random celeb) is getting all this attention but (insert either Jesus or random historical figure) doesn't"

That shit irks me.

Firstly because when they say the shit about Jesus it just isn't true. Don't get me wrong. Not everybody is going bonkers over Jesus and I almost am prone to think that's what these people want. But enough are. One doesn't have to do much more than to click on their TV any given Sunday to find some televangelist preaching in mega churches across the country that rival many stadiums and concert venues. And please believe those joints are PACKED.

Secondly, as far as other historical figures...when has the world ever functioned where everyone shines at the same time? The sun shines on one area at a time does it not? It's not realistic even from mother natures perspective so why would it be the case for anything else? Also when said person is getting all this positive attention it usually means that the person has a multitude of people big upping their name. Therefore if you really want your person to shine get on your job.

Stop hating on other people. It's counter-productive

"How come you talk out ya ass but don't have sh*t to say?"

2010-03-26T12:27:00.000-07:00

So within a weeks time span I've managed to perform stand up and KILL IT and then perform and get heckled to the point I just walked off the stage. That yin and yang is a mf'er. Having one of the best and worst experiences of your life in the same week can be seriously draining. But ah well... I guess it comes with the territory. I still plan on continuing to perform. And on the bright side of my heckling experience, afterward I was able to come up with some counter-heckling material. Definitely some well needed shit for some one that performs stand up. Shit is like having a gun in the hood. Sure...it may not be absolutely imperative to have one but you'd be amazed at the respect that you can garner when you do.

To be honest tho I should have been prepared for the negative experience anyway. It wasn't even a comedy club, it was a poetry open mic in a hole in the wall bar. Other than the music which my homey deejayed the vibe was all kinds of terrible. People were carrying on there own side conversations while people were performing. Many of the poems were off the wall (in a bad way). Others in the crowd just looked bored. I didn't feel like performing poetry that day. I had just came off of a great performance on Wednesday. I wanted to get that feeling back. So I figured I'd do comedy and maybe somehow wake the crowd up for the poets or whoever that followed...

So I get on stage and get into my stuff and out the blue this chick is just yelling all kinds of bullshit out. It caught me off guard, because well first I've never experienced that before and second because ol girl was a new member of a poetry troupe I use to belong to...She should know better. I tried to work through it initially, but she kept fucking with my timing. So I just was like "fuck it" and walked off the stage. I had an angry vibe the rest of the night. It took me forever to get back to sleep. I kept thinking of how I should have handled it. How I should have addressed her so that I could continue my stuff in peace.

Ya live and ya learn.

Rant upinthisbitch

2010-03-13T12:12:00.000-08:00

1. It's funny how I can feel super confident in some areas and not confident at all in others
2. I punked out on posting the vid from the comedy competition. I didn't do bad, but I fucked up none the less. I don't like showing folks my shit unless its A-1.
3. I need to meet more people. Not enough people know about me. Not enough people know who I am. THIS HAS TO CHANGE.
4. Sometimes I get down on myself but then I try to snap out of it because I don't want to be that stereotypical moody artist (I am though)
5. In May I'm going to literally be a lab rat for 2 weeks. Get this... U of M is going to pay me a G to feed me 6 meals a day, have me sit on my ass, and measure my weight gain. (in Smokey from Friday voice) "Niggas is broke these days"
6. I should've wrote this rant last night...I would've had more to say...Ah well I'm sure it'll come back.

Peace

Work in progress

2010-03-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

[untitled]

Red light, green light
Whats the potion to keep you in motion
I'm tryin to keep your mind open with potent smelling salts
Keep you aware so you stay scopin just beyond the end of the tunnel

Because too many turn away
Knock away blinders
Claim they make it so they can't see
When they could never see shit, even with shit in their eyes

It amazes me how some can't see sick amidst waves transporting small pox to their brethren
See while you're splitting hairs,
they're splitting up theirs
You from yours
You neglected to stay the course

Quit the race right when the baton was handed to you
You was enjoying progress instead of progressing
You lessened the pace when you should have still been learning lessons...

Sometimes...

2010-03-08T17:50:00.000-08:00

I swear I'm the flyest and other times I swear I'm funny looking. But when the latter is going on I try my best to act otherwise, because sometimes you can fool people...lol.

after taste

2010-03-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

There are certain events in life that just leave you speechless. Sometimes I wonder if words are even appropriate at all in these circumstances. Who knows. I guess the best I can do is try to treat everybody in a loving fashion and hope for the best. Peace and blessings to everyone.

Keeping it real...with reality

2010-02-21T07:10:00.000-08:00

(I'm going to attempt to make this sound not like a rant as much as possible.)

"To err is human..."

You've probably heard that quote quite a few times. Basically, it means that fucking up is apart of being alive. Its what we humans do. We fuck up from time to time. Some more than others. Many of us try our best not to do so but it's inevitable. The trick is to just contain the size of the fuck up and then you can probably at least live with yourself.

Now I don't say this to be a cop out or anything like that. I believe we should all strive for perfection. I mean why not? Sure it doesn't exist and probably has never existed but if your not trying to better yourself then whats the point of living?

With all that in mind I get some what annoyed when I see people judge each other so harshly. A friend of mine once got on a stage and told a crowd of people "There are geniuses all around you, be aware." That quote has stuck with me. Its true. There are special people, geniuses, everywhere. And most of them we'll never notice. Why? Because many of need some kind of sponsorship or special co-sign for people to see the light. And until that happens all we see is whatever we deem as imperfection. Why can't we have both? Why can't people fuck up and be geniuses? That would be too much like REALITY. That's why when I hear stuff like MLK cheated on his wife, Ghandi was racist against blacks, or stuff like that I'm not phased (anymore). What do we expect from these people? I know we are constantly beat over the head by these companies (which are out to make a dollar) that these people were just these superb individuals that shat world peace. But that isn't the truth. They were just people. They woke up and breathed the same air that we do. They just shined in certain areas.

Don't sleep on the geniuses around you.

Parallels of life

2010-02-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

Doing poorly in pick-up basket is kinda like cheating on your girlfriend and her finding out. Sure... you may be able to stay in the game, but you ain't getting NO PLAY FOR A LONG TIME...smh. Like that hoop is literally like "the circle of trust"...and if your shots don't fall into that circle...

I think you get the point...lol

A quick sneaker poem

2010-02-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

I like to wear kicks
But I don't like to wear wear on kicks
So I try not to wear them out.

How many of us have them

2010-02-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

Friends are people that have your back, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc...

What makes a person a good friend as opposed to a bad friend is their ability to continuously have your back when the opportunity arises. As in, they have all the tools to make your life at least a little better, or to help you out even a smidgen. Those people that continuously answer the call (both literally and figuratively) are the people you want to keep in you lives.

**Never get confuse true opportunity with capability. If you're in need of help and your friend in question doesn't have the means, that doesn't automatically make them a bad friend.

" high or special regard "

2010-02-16T08:59:00.000-08:00

It always disappoints me to hear someone say that they believe that respect should be earned and not given. That ethically doesn't sit right with me for a number of reasons...

Does that mean that you treat every new person in your life with disrespect?
What exactly does one have to do to earn respect?
And if someone is only going to be in your life a short while why is showing them ya know,MANNERS, a problem?
What do you have to lose by treating some random person with respect?

Now if you substitute the word respect for trust, can somewhat understand. Not to say that you should treat people like criminals or anything like that. It just makes more sense for someone to earn trust. Example. I frequent a public computer lab on a nearby college campus and most of the time I use the facility I have my book bag filled with things I deem valuable but are pretty much valueless to others. Anyone who has lived on a college campus for as long as I have knows that unattended bookbags are easy targets. Therefore I always make sure to carry EVERYTHING with me in the case of a quick bathroom break. And if there happens to be an acquaintance around I'll tell them to keep an eye on my stuff til I get back.

The best medicine

2010-02-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

Well it turns out that I made the cut to the standup comedy competition. I've been super excited since getting the news. But now it's time to get my act SUPER tight. To do so I've been watching some of my favorite comedians for performance mannerisms that I could use. Here is one act that I'm sure you'll enjoy

Dave Chappelle - Stand Up before fame!
Uploaded by eskobar1987. - Click for more funny videos.

I don't endorse bullshit...

2010-02-04T09:48:00.000-08:00

I don't care if you're my homey...real talk. It'll still be all love (as in, love ya as a person),but I refuse to ride behind the garbage truck.

With that said... My homey slash emcee extraordinaire, Boog Brown just dropped a mixtape. Dope beats dope rhymes what else do yall want (c) Phonte. You should check her out she's super dope.

LINK

Woah!

2010-02-04T08:30:00.000-08:00

This is not a photo

Neither is this

These are paintings by artist Linnea Strid...Get familiar.

"Big fat Phonies"

2010-02-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure my readers know by now that I am a porn fan...

"And if you don't know now you know"-- Christopher Wallace

But one thing I've noticed lately that has kinda dulled the luster of the whole fantasy, is the fact that the audio in many films are recorded AFTER the actual scenes are shot. I'm not even talking about just the really bad ones either. I'm watching the chicks mouths extra closely lately and the moans ain't lining up son. The "oh shits" have like a 5 minute delay. There are periods when I swear I'm watching porn via satellite.

I mean I understand it. I do. I mean they're actual films...meaning there is usually direction (by a director) involved. And nobody want to hear that ish. But damn. Couldn't there be cue cards or some shit to make things more natural???

soooooooooo yeah...

2010-02-02T23:07:00.000-08:00

I performed a comedy routine I have been refining for a good 4 months to myself to my friends tonight. It was my second time performing it in front of people. They responded pretty positively, but they were high. So I don't wanna get too amped. I got a second audition this thursday so I'll let ya'll know how that goes... Wait...did I even blog about my first audition???? In short... it was as average as soft core porn sex. Improvement was needed. Hopefully, I've made the right moves. I've contemplated recording myself and just posting it on youtube but I'm pretty sure that won't have the same effect...

Oh yeah...I'm drunk...that's irrelevant...but not. Drop the details later.

Hard outside/chewy inside

2010-02-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

Nobody wants to be that person that everyone knows is vulnerable. But as far as artists go, everyone usually appreciates and applauds those [artists] who let the public know that they themselves are vulnerable. It's like martyrdom only you get to wake up the next day.

I'm still coming to grips with that.

Prince isn't gangsta

2010-01-27T20:40:00.000-08:00

It was my Junior year in college. I in my dorm room was doing my daily ritual of glancing at the social network of the time and listening to music when...BANG!!! This grown ass man who resembled Angry Man from Martin kicked open the door and then walked in a very creepy fashion.

Dude looks at me and asks me if I'm (my room mates name). I tell him no. He tells me to tell my room mate that he's looking for him and walks back out leaving me with a wtf expression grooved into my face.

Turned out that my room mate at the time apparently had fucked and fucked over thee wrong chick. Once I informed him of what had transpired he proceeded to get ghost(or so I thought). So I'm excited to have the room to myself, but my nerves are still a lil bad from fuckin Black Snake Moan

....Kool Aid Manning his way through my damn door. So I started playing laid back music to chill out with.

About 5 or 6 hours pass. It's late. I'm in the bed about to go to sleep with Prince greatest hits playing in my radio. When out the blue my roommates older brother walks in the damn room...Armed. I guess my room mate got a lil shook and called his bro just in case Lando Calrissian made a return.

So I'm in my bed and he's on the other side of the room on some Malcolm X shit...

with Prince still playing in the background. Eventually the whole 2 men in a dark room with Prince on got so awkward I ended up having to put something else on more appropriate. I didn't get much sleep that night.

The end

A sucker baby boom

2010-01-25T08:15:00.001-08:00

Rewind to last summer...

I was in the process of finishing up my bachelor's degree so I decided to take a 1 week class in traverse city (a 5 hour drive up from where I live) to satisfy a program requirement. Anyways, when I got there I met this older dude. He was in the class with me trying to satisfy the same class requirement so he could graduate the same time as myself. There wasn't really anything extraordinary about the guy except for the fact that dude was knocking on 50's door and was single. But if you see the dude in action, all wonderment of how that occurred goes out the window. Dudes "game" is like that of Jerome's (c) Martin but without the charm. So basically, all aggression and corniness.

After half the week had gone by I had gotten pretty cool with old dude and he decided to tell me about this online "relationship" (for lack of a better word) he had been having for the past month or so. Dude was like "yeah I've been messing with this African babe over the internet...yadda yadda" "She's bad as hell...blah blah blah" and then he asks me if I wanted to see pics. So I'm like yeah why not. So dude busts out his laptop and brings up the pics and I'm like...yoooooo...that chick is no African.

Dude had pulled up pics of an internet model a cousin of mine used to obsess over named Absolutely Amber. I'm talking cuz used to buy website memberships and the whole nine...One day me and cuz had attended a block party in Detroit and found out that she was a native Detroiter.

So I tell ol boy the deal and you can tell he was mad disappointed. Apparently, somebody was using the pic to try to scam money out of the guy. Fucked up right? Anywho, dude wised up.

Now what made me tell this story was that just yesterday I was watching MSNBC and Chris Hanson (of To Catch a Predator fame) had a show entitled "To Catch an I.D. Theft". And in it Chris was trying to find the center of these scams, but this was damn near impossible seeing as though once a credit card number hit the web purchases almost instantly began occurring all over the globe. So Hanson decided to set up a website store himself with the premise that you can use stolen cards there without them checking. And pretty much instantly people started buying from the site. He then saw that some of the the delivery locations were right here in the U.S.. So using a fake delivery company he delivered the packages himself and found out that older single folks are getting scammed.

Basically, the scammers send out spam letters out playing on the sympathy of the reader. After the reader bites they show them fake pics of themselves trying to set off some fake ass love connection. What follows that is that the victims are conned out of giving money and also fowarding packages to Africa, Australia, and other places. The scammers were getting over making millions of dollars. Anywho... so Chris informed some of the folks that they were getting scammed and they let him use their accounts to follow the packages. What he found was that there is a network of internet scams coming out of Nigeria. And that is just one of the cons that they run out of the country...

Small world right?

Anyways...so be careful folks. Make folks aware if you hear any shit like this going down in your area.

Reach for it

2010-01-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

Relationships are work... Like an actual job. Like you put in serious hours, have good and bad times, and you get paid whatever you deem to be valuable [out of the relationship]...and if you're not getting paid...you might wanna keep looking. Real Talk. But you also should make yourself knowledgeable enough [about relationships] to know if its wise to go. Meaning: there is no point in running for the hills if you'll just go through the same thing in any relationship that you would get into in the future. Realistically you should expect...some bullshit. That's just life. If you're living you're gonna go through bullshit, so naturally when you hop into the sub-folder of life that is a relationship...there will be traces of bullshit in there. Don't get mad either...because chances are you're responsible for a fraction of it...I could go on and on with this metaphor.

Contrary to this blogs somber feel I'm actually super content in my own relationship. I've hit my stride.

Big up to couples with long-term successful relationships. And to all my single folks don't be afraid to try...or not try...

back to this Jay-z ish for a second...

2010-01-19T09:15:00.000-08:00

Some people's logic makes no sense to me at all... So when dude puts up a bunch of images on the screen that could or could not be connected to a sect, he's evil...but when said dude (as well as many other cats) was talking about selling drugs in their community, killing folks, and exploiting women...that was fine and dandy. People are hilarious.

I was just thinking the other day...

2010-01-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

It must be great to be a successful singer, rapper, author, etc... Thought of writing something and then witnessing people just show your words love has to be an extraordinary experience. I'm sure said feeling is at least a smidgen of the reason that so many people pursue similar exploits and or blog. We all just want to be heard. We all love acceptance/love.

another look inside

2010-01-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

I don't say I'm fly for you to know.I say I'm fly for me to know.

2010-01-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

Random thought...Somehow I got to thinking about the evolution of black hair...and how basically up to the civil rights movement both black men and women did the straight hair thing commonly. Afterward dudes pretty much abandoned the straight hair look...give or take a 5 or six years of jheri curls and did he natural thing.

Now the guy in me that likes rooting for the home team would like to think that guys just held on to those lessons longer than our female counterparts...but I'd be (for the most part) wrong. Because when it comes down to it... most dudes don't do shit unless it makes them look good in the eyes of women.

So my theory is that women (again..." for the most part") just weren't having that shit...so cats went in another direction.

I haven't the slightest clue what that means for black women. I'm pretty sure that women have different motivations so the rules are different.

DISCLAIMER TIME!!!!
Again folks...this post is not to say one texture is better than another...shit...my momma has straight hair...my sister...my grandma...and I love them all dearly. This blog comes as most of my blogs do...to obtain understanding. I just got to thinking about black peoples hair history and realized that not too long ago (about 40-50 years ago)black guys were rocking "the Fonz" hair cuts.

another dope super mario post

2010-01-13T11:50:00.000-08:00

F'd up trivial fact of the day...

2010-01-11T23:12:00.000-08:00

Hitler invented the blow up doll.

During WWII Hitler wanted his soldiers to be able to have their needs met without getting involved with foreign women and messing up their so-called "purity". So... he ordered plastic bodied females be created for them. Blonde hair, white skin, large breasts and lips,and oh yeah...a plastic vagina.

You don't believe me...look it up. Just when you thought those damn things couldn't be any creepier, ya find out they were brainchild of quite possibly the most evil dude of the 20th century.

I gave you power

2010-01-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

I'm a firm believer in this concept...

If enough people believe in something then it is reality

Example:
Every year parents around this planet tell their little children that on the night of December 24th Santa Claus flies from the North Pole from delivering toys to all the good little girls and boys... As we all grow to be adults eventually we come to realize that there was no fat white dude delivering those toys. It was our parents busting their asses to bring us happiness all along.

Now if you are one of those people who always think of everything in the most literal sense...then no Santa Claus doesn't exist. I on the other hand choose to differ. Santa Claus is indeed real.

Santa Claus is an institution. Every year people make billions of dollars off of his likeness and off his story. People go broke keeping the fantasy alive. Santa Claus is a driving force in our economy.

Remember : Money = Power

With that said, one whom dwells in reality must remember that we gave this fictional entity this power. We did. And if tomorrow we were all unified in denouncing this fictional entity then it would cease to exist and have power.

What am I aiming at?

I watched the "On to the Next One" video on NYE and though I was quite inebriated at the time I was like "Wow..that's a pretty dope video. On some avant garde type ish". Then the following day I'm making my rounds on the net and I see like a gang of folks losing their minds over this shit. On some... blah blah blah Jay-z worships the devil...blah blah blah Jay-z is a mason...blah blah blah blah Jay-z is apart of the illuminati. I then proceeded to revisit the video myself. And to be honest the visuals do appear to be cued by what he's saying in the song. One example of this is when he says " I used to drink crystal" they show 3 bottles of milk heavily shadowed...symbolizing a black presence on a white entity perhaps (3 being a reoccurring theme in the video to play up the Blueprint 3). He then says "but them niggas racist" and the visuals show the milk lit up revealing its whiteness.

So I'd probably be slightly naive if I were to say that the video didn't seem to be somewhat symbolic. But who's to say what any of that shit means? Many Christians are up in arms because they say that the horned skull is demonic and that the rosary between the 2 bullets is disrespectful to the church...to which I say...who the hell said what represents the devil in the first place? When the Bible speaks on the Devils appearance in the Bible (and talk about it in animalistic sense) they either refer to him looking like a serpent or a dragon. There is no mention of a long horned cow so where is this symbolism coming from? And as far as the rosary between the 2 bullets is concerned... How is that disrespectful? Seriously. First and foremost I'm almost positive that a good majority of the folks freaking out didn't even realize it was a rosary (a religious tool specific to Catholics). This one puzzles me. Maybe one of you can help me out because I'm honestly clueless as to why someone would be offended by this. Is it that bullets are so close to the cross? What if he swapped out the bullets for bananas or liquor bottles or paint brushes...would it still be offensive? If you want to be offended, then probably so.

I'm not gonna pretend I have all the answers. When I write blogs like these it's usually in search of a deeper understanding.

I do know one thing for sure this is nothing new to me.

How to have a great New Years 101 (Jay feev edition)

2010-01-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

1. Go early to a "Not so live party", get expectations lowered quickly, then leave.

Initially my plans for New Years Eve was to bring it in with family. At the end of my family's annual Christmas get together one of my older cousins had informed me that our aunt was renting out 2 rooms at one of the nicer casino hotels in the area. She made it seem like we'd all just come together in the rooms, eat, drink, and be merry into 2010. When I came to the rooms at 10 o'clock I didn't see none of that. What I did see though, was a gang of hyper ass children. When cuzo had pitched the party I thought to myself what are they gonna do with the kids, but I assumed they'd get a sitter before they'd bring em out to alleged festivities. I assumed wrong. And after about a half hour worth of "what the hell did we get ourselves into" glances between my girlfriend and I, we decided to get the hell out what had became the fanciest Chuck E. Cheese ever and go to another party.

2.Go to another party dressed fresher than every other guy there.

So we left the other get together telling everyone there "we were going to the club". Truth is I don't really like clubs so that was never really an option. Even when I was single clubs were never my scene. I don't really dance, the music usually sucks, and I rarely got any play...smh. But lucky me, that wasn't even an option. While driving my girl tells me we're headed to an apartment party.

As soon as we entered the party one of the hostesses took my girls coat and since I didn't come in with a coat she made a joke commenting on my freshness in the process. No biggie, but a brother likes a compliment none the less. I then look around the room and it becomes very apparent to me that I'm the freshest dude in the room. The dudes there were either rocking sweaters, sweatshirts, or those wack ass t-shirts with all those swirlies, wings, skulls, and shit. You know the ones that stamp the word "couture" on them and think that if they put a bunch of trendy shit on a shirt at the same time that makes it fashionable...Real niggas ain't falling for that shit. But I digress. Another thing I noticed is that I was being noticed. I don't know if there is a dude more clueless than me when it comes to reading signs females send, but there was only one way to read the eyes of the ones that were looking at me...I looked good.

3. Get inebriated (drunk).

Alcohol when used somewhat responsibly can make shit funner. And when I say somewhat responsibly I'm talking about

Everybody knows their limit
Everbody knows "how to drink"
Nobody crosses any lines while drinking
Everybody gets home safely after drinking

Me and the GF knew the rules and had bought liquor coming into "Chuck E Cheese". We even started drinking there...yeah I know...I know. Upon arriving at the apartment party we were pleased to see that there was a plethora of wonderful libations waiting for us. People were already "nice" when we arrived.

4. Have miscellaneous chick boost your ego.

So yeah...yadda yadda yadda freshest dude there. Was feeling good about it, was feeling better when one of the chick confirmed that my observations wasn't just my ego gassing me up. The fucked up part is, SHE WAS SOME OTHER DUDES DATE!! She basically had been shooting me glances from the time I walked in. I actually knew of the dude she came with. And as the party progressed she basically tried to get on on the sly. She introduced herself, asked to take pictures with me, and then asked if the the woman I was with was my girlfriend.

5. Have your girlfriend express her position

As soon as ol girl had got all Chuck Woolery on me, I guess the GF picked that shit up on the radar. She came immediately from across the room, kissed me, and grimmed the shit out of the miscellaneous girl. The girl then decided it was was to keep faking it out with her date...smh.

Note** This is probably the ONLY scenario where having your girl express her position is cool. Most of the time that shit comes off hella insecure.

6. Play spades and dominate

7. Take lots of pics and bond with folks

8. Get home safely

9. Smash

10. Pass thee fuck out

he's covered the whole spectrum

2009-12-29T22:16:00.000-08:00

(Click to enlarge)

Pacman VS Super Mario

2009-12-28T21:29:00.000-08:00

Some people that get close to the fire...get burned

2009-12-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

I'm reading this novel by the guy that wrote the novel "Fight Club", called "Snuff". Its about a woman that is trying to beat the number for largest gang bang ever recorded...Yeah I know...WTF???

I actually was attracted to book because the cover kicked ass and I wanted to see who was responsible. By the time I figured it out I was sold on buying the book.

Anyways, the novel has me thinking about porn...even more than usual. As kid growing up watching the scrambled channel, hormones raging, I couldn't help but to think "Damn, I wish this channel would get clear for 30 to 40 minutes". And after that I would think... "Damn, I would really love to be a porn star. Being able to have sex as a job would be the shizneeto bam snip snap sam". Little did I know at the time that my childhood wasn't fucked up enough to fit the requirement to get the job... SMH.

Who'da thunk it? Apparently in order to totally disregard your personal sense of dignity as well as the respect and or livelihood of your friends, family, and associates you'd have to go through something that would blur the lines indefinitely. Talk about fucking up a fantasy.(Don't let that last line make you think for a second that I'm putt off of porn though...because then you'd be lying to yourself.)

Lemme help yall out ladies...

2009-12-22T14:40:00.000-08:00

Are you one of those chicks that says...

"How come I can't just have guy friends that stay friends. How come they always try to get some?"

Lemme break it down for you right quick. You wanna know why this is so? It's because, to these particular guys either your sex is equal to or greater in value than your friendship.

If a dude values your friendship more than your sex then chances are you can chill all you like.

One thing I've found in my many years on this planet is many of you chicks blur the line ya damn selves. Don't use a dude as a teddy bear, a free lunch ticket, etc... and then complain about him trying to get on.

Crocodile T. Ayers

2009-12-14T12:34:00.000-08:00

It finally happened. I went to pick up the tickets from the convocation center and as soon as the lady slid the 6 tickets under the window, it hit me...I am fucking graduating. After 9 years of almost equal parts fun and hardship I'm gettin my muthafuckin college degree. I then walked back to the car and the last 9 years whizzed through my head. I gotta admit I got choked up a bit for a hot second.

cute

2009-12-07T06:22:00.000-08:00

Sportscenter has the best commercials..HAAAA!!

2009-12-07T06:13:00.001-08:00

Nothing says "I love you" like kissing someone with morning breath...

2009-12-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

A cousin of mine once told me that she couldn't fathom loving someone after smelling what they did in the bathroom...(POOP)I replied to her. "Well I've walked into the bathroom after my parents have used the bathroom numerous times and I never let that stop me from loving them..."

From that point on that convo came to personify both literally and metaphorically what "real love" means to me...In my opinion if you're "in love" with someone then you are willing to put up with their shit (not necessarily all of their shit...but enough).

...It's complicated

2009-12-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

Fact: Generally speaking,life is very complex.

With that being said, unfortunately that doesn't mean that everyone is equipped to deal with those complexities. You see it all the time. People try to make complex things into something simple when its not. The tactic is most prevalently seen in the adult dealings with children.

Ex:
Child : Mommy why is it thundering?
Mother : Because God is bowling.

Its very common for people just to assume that children can't comprehend such things so they cop out. As if telling them the truth would destroy their world. It's often funny to me though when I run into children that have more understanding than their adult counterparts.

I remember some years back I decided to cop out on an adult. It was an ex to be exact. I had broken it off with her and then days later she told me that her mother told her that the reason I had broken up with her was because I had fallen out of love with her. She kept repeating it to me over and over again till it made me upset. I told her that her mother was wrong and left it at that. The truth was she made me miserable. In fact in my entire life I had never been as miserable as I was when I was in a relationship with her...and that says a lot because I grew up with a drug addicted mother. She was the highly emotional type throughout our relationship I decided to save her some tears and save my eyes and ears from receiving those tears. I hate hearing and seeing women cry. It fucks with my soul. It doesn't matter if they are wrong and should be crying, I can't stand it. I may have done her a disservice by holding back...or maybe not. Some people can hear the truth... some people can see the truth and still won't be able to deal with it appropriately. Such is life though. And then again, who's to say what is appropriate and what isn't.

I'm a firm believer in the ideal that almost nothing in life is "black or white" (meaning either or). In relationships this type of thinking is often seen

Example:
Woman: No you don't love me, because if you loved me you wouldn't treat me like that.
means to love or to be loved, so one can actually have feelings of love toward a person but be completely incompetent relationship-wise. This fact absolutely became clear to me when I was watching of all things The Maury Povich Show. It was a lie detector show and this one lady wanted to see if her husband had been stepping out on her. So Maury had the guy come out as he read the results of the test.

The first question...Does he love his wife?
He answered: Yes...which turned out to be the truth

Unfortunately the following questions...
*Do you find your wife sexually attractive?
*Are you bored with the sex?
*Did you proposition her friend with sex?
*And have you cheated on her since you've been together?
All had negative responses.

I dunno...I'm still unsure if simplification is a good or a bad thing. I want to think that doing the hard work that is thinking "outside the box", getting to know people, doing your own research,and telling people the truth would lead to a better world. Who knows?

I'll end this one with quote a philosopher once said...

"The truth is blade that often bloodies more than it cuts."

SAT analogy for artists

2009-12-03T02:01:00.000-08:00

Stretch marks is to birthing as getting paint on your clothes is to creating art

Something like a sex machine

2009-12-01T17:44:00.001-08:00

Sex Machine! from Dan Meth on Vimeo.

funny like a bat to the head

2009-11-24T23:36:00.000-08:00

Definitely NSFW...and for the squeamish...3:15 in...male nudity...you've been warned...

Otherwise the vid is effin hilarious.

You can work your fingers to the bone and still...

2009-11-23T17:40:00.000-08:00

some people just won't get it.

Check this out...it's something else...

2009-11-21T12:17:00.000-08:00

One of the coolest, craziest, and rawest videos I've seen in awhile

FLAIRS - TRUCKERS DELIGHT
by ThirdSideRecords

Irresponsibilty of Biblical propotions

2009-11-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

Yo... not everything in the world is an "act of God". I swear I got this irresponsible ass friend that whenever he fucks up he chalks it up to God's will.

I got an F on my test...it was a sign from God (of what??? ...that your ass needs to study??)

My lights in my house, got turned off...it was a sign from God (Of what??? that you need to pay your light bill??)

Getthefuckouttahere!

NY state of mind

2009-11-17T21:24:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite stories my dad told me from when he was growing up:

Him and a friend were walking home from school, when out of nowhere a dude jumps from around the corner and yells "GIMME YA MONEY"
My dad's friend asks, "Do you have a gun?"
The criminal replies "No."
My dad's friend asks, "Do you have a knife?"
The criminal replies again,"No"
My dad's friend says "Well nigga you better get out our face before WE ROB YOU! This is Harlem!"...

"Good Hair"

2009-11-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

Ummm...

2009-11-06T21:23:00.000-08:00

Damn...I really don't have anything interesting to blog about right now...

Spike Jonze and Kanye West "We Were Once A Fairytale" (short film 11 mins)

2009-10-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

In my opinion, it's an interesting commentary on fame and humanity.

The struggles of a graphic designer in cartoon form

2009-10-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

So I was going through youtube the other day and I found these animated shorts that depict the relationship between graphic designer and client. The fucked up thing is as off the wall as some of the back and forth is. There ISN'T much exaggeration at all. I've heard and been asked all these things before throughout my career. Oh yeah if you click on the vids and either remember saying something one of the clients in the vids said or don't see anything wrong... find the nearest cliff and proceed to jump the hell off. Please and thank you. The world will be a better place.

Warriors come out and plaaaaaaaay!!!!

2009-10-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

So I was watching a show on the Spike channel (Think Lifetime if it were meant for men) entitled Deadliest Warrior. On the show they basically go through out time and pick 2 different warriors and put them against each other. This is done by getting experts in the particular warrior's fighting style along with the warior's historic weapons and running tests. After the tests are run basically they decide who wins by which one inflicted the most damage. It's a pretty decent show...though I often feel it could be biased and naive at times.

Anywho...The show always concludes with this mock batle between the two warriors. The one I happened to be watching was the Apache Indian VS. The Gladiator. The Apache won and scalped the gladiator...and after he scalped the Gladiator he licked the knife he used.

EWWWWWWW!!!!

I mean don't get me wrong. That shit looks pretty cool. But I remember stories of disease ridden Europeans coming to the states. It just had me thinking...

Like could you imagine being the Apache warrior that got a std after doing that shit...

Apache warrior: Baby I swear I ain't been fucking nobody baby...Naw...I got it from licking knives...What you mean that's some buffalo shit??

...and bow to the midwest

2009-09-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

When I moved back to Detroit from Maryland back in 96 one of the first things I noticed was the ridiculous amount of churches in the city. And when I say "ridiculous" I'm not being disrespectful to the religious community. Their is literally like a church on damn near every other block. And to make it even more ridiculous some of the churches that are a block away ARE THE SAME DENOMINATION! What sense does that make?

When I was a child I would think to myself that with all these churches you'd think that Detroit was the most religious place on the planet. That was back when I thought of religion with purely optimistic traits attached to it...when religion to me meant:

- people loving each other
- people caring for each other despite their differences
- people doing the moral thing

Then as I grew up and learned about the history surrounding the actions of many organized religions. I found out that many of the actions carried out contradicted many of the "mission statements" of the organizations.

Today it occured to me that Detroit could possibly be the most religious place in the nation

What you know about Black Dynamite?

2009-09-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

"Black Dynamite is a comedy set in 1973. Basically, a satire of a blaxploitation film. It's supposed to hit theaters nationwide on Oct 16th. Quite frankly some of the funniest stuff I've seen in a long while...and I have only seen the trailers and supporting vids...which are all in this Blog. If you like laughing I advise you check em out.

Start with this one : The Movie Trailer--

Black Dynamite Redband Trailer
by viciouspanda

(funniest)

The (Unofficial) Movie Review

Why do we do this?

2009-09-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

While I was driving the other day, I listened to some random radio program. They were talking to some youngster who was speaking about how he felt bad about cheating on his girlfriend. The radio host as well as others who called in consoled him saying that he's too young and he shouldn't be in a relationship at this point in time. The young man was in his early 20s...

Then it hit me...

A young dude in a relationship who cheats on his girlfriend = too young to be in a relationship

A young girl in a relationship who cheats on her boyfriend = hoe

When do you ever hear people tell a young lady who cheats on her boyfriend that she's too young and probably shouldn't be in a relationship? I would say not often. The only times I've heard a young woman be told she's to young for a relationship is either :

to keep her focussed on school
or to try to keep her from having sex.

This mentality is how double standards are kept in the stratosphere. Instead of telling young men that they should try to be better men so they might be able to avoid future fidelity problems we tell them they're "too young". This phrase "too young" insinuates that this is normal for young men to carry on this way. It saying this behavior is somewhat acceptable .

--Why there could never be a Female Tool Academy--

2009-09-07T23:36:00.000-07:00

So I was watching the show Tool Academy on VH1 and the thought came to me that this show could never work in reverse. Meaning: a bunch of dudes bringing their terrible "tool" girlfriends in order to change them to better women and therefore have more meaningful relationships... It just wouldn't be realistic. This is why.

1. First off women are rarely attracted to men they can walk over in the first place. You've heard it a million times...

"What happened to ol boy? He seemed pretty cool."
"Aw hell naw. I couldn't be with him I'd walk all over him"

The dude could be a diamond in the rough, it doesn't matter. If dude shows weakness women spot it and either take advantage of said weakness or leave the dude alone all together

And if they DO find a man, enter a relationship with him, and take advantage of him...THE MAN HAS NO POWER. Meaning the man can not and I REPEAT CAN NOT demand anything from the woman. Why? Because more than likely the only reason she is with said man is because she can extort him. Therefore there is no cause for change.

2. Pussy = Power, money= power, therefore pussy= money

If a man loses everything he has, he basically becomes worthless to the world.
If a woman loses everything she has, she still has pussy. Therefore she still has the potential to make a come up with very little brain power involved.

3. Dick is too readily available.
As much as it sucks to say... Dick is pretty worthless to chicks. Not useless, but worthless. And what I mean by that is that we've flooded the market with it. Chicks are up to their eyeballs in potential sex...To the point where chicks barely even notice any more. Guys you've seen it...You'll be talkin to some chick talking about she hasn't had sex in forever because she hasn't had the opportunity or whatever...and you personally have seen dudes try to "get on". Shit you could be trying to get on...lol. Even the ugly chicks can get sex whenever they please.

Trust and believe the recession will never affect the amount of dick offered to women...I wish I could say it works the other way around but like I said before...Pussy=money.

4.Like I said in my previous blog, the general consensus about men who show weakness is that it makes them less of a man. That doesn't make for good television. Nobody cares about a man crying unless somebody has died... And even then there is a time limit. Cats will watch that shit and yell at the tv like "Your parents died in a car crash 5 years ago. Man up!" No compassion for the guys.

Compassion for men is equal to the amount of sex there is in the Champagne Room...word to Chris Rock

In fact as far as I can see it, there is only one and I mean ONE way that having a female tool academy could work....

Lesbians.

I'm just sayin.

Women have the power

2009-09-07T23:19:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the next blog I was going to write when this revelation came to me...

The more a man outwardly shows weakness (i.e. crying etc.) the more he is thought to be less of a man.

But

When a woman shows weakness she's never thought to be less of a woman. In fact more often times she's thought to be MORE of a woman because she's showing weakness.

Personally I think thats pretty damn powerful by itself. Another thing that occurred to me is that crying is pretty much never thought to be weak among women. Mainly because among women it expresses a freedom to let loose emotion whenever the feeling arises. But as a man looking on the other side of the fence I see it powerful for the simple fact that when a woman cries or expresses weakness, that is often a power move within itself. I dunno how many times I've been rendered powerless because some woman burst out into tears in front of me. Many times the case is, I haven't even done anything wrong. Some chick just bursts into tears and start shouting demands. Y'all are like emotional terrorists...lol. Real talk. And most of the time you guys get what you want...The shit is kinda cool (as long as I'm not the victim). I'm just saying.

for the homey Teecolah

2009-08-31T07:50:00.000-07:00

The evolution of revolution

A change gon come
but that change may not be the change you been dreaming of
The change may have changed itself
Time changes
Things change
We got a wealth

of change

Its a magic word this revolution
Some things change, some things stay the same
Full circle
360 degrees
Sometimes you just start right back where you started from
but that's not failure, just an opportunity to show what you've learned

It's called experience

Full circle
Like dusk to dawn and back again
The light is back again soak it or be burned by it
Be SPURNED by it
Grow from it
LIVE from it
And when the sun disappears
Don't be dismayed that you'll experience the same shit tomorrow.

It's called experience.
Full circle

The evolution of revolution.

the piece I punked out on spittin in public

2009-08-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

D PRESS IS ON

No news at 8
No special Updates
Just always late
As in, I wish I could've gotten to him sooner
But I was just too late
I wish I could've told him he was so great to me
But fate just snatched him away

D PRESS IS ON

No time to adjust
No look past
No time to pass
No time to fake
It's real
No time to breathe
Only time to choke
No crossover
Only souls crossing over

D PRESS IS ON

No off switch
Only nervous twitch
It's in your name
And you're gonna pay
Everyday
No breaks
Just heartbreak
Just earthquakes
The type of hurt that makes ya whole core shake
Ya soul ache
Went from "take it all in" to " call in the undertaker"

D PRESS IS ON

On your mind
All the time
No unwind
No rewind
It's like gravity is working overtime
Giving you special attention
Affliction
Detention
Arrested
Dead locked
Death deep down
Buried in dispair
Pain
Grief
Hatred
Self-hatred
No you're not garbage, just wasted

D PRESS IS ON

and on
and on
and on
and on...

I know a lot of people say this, but I actually mean it

2009-08-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not afraid to die.

What's there to fear? If you're gone you're gone. There are no more worries because there is no more YOU. At least not in the physical sense. Haven't been into religion for quite sometime now but it isn't a stretch for me to think of the "spirit" as something real. The Law of conservation of energy says that energy can not be created or destroyed only transferred. Sounds like how religious people speak of God (cannot be created nor destroyed) and death (energy transferred).

But I digress.
One thing I think is actually worthy of fearing is being alive in a non-functional state...meaning severely handicapped. That would suck.

Not only would it suck to be the person who can't control themselves, but also for those people who are in control of you. Like they literally hold your life in their hands. Do they try to keep you living even though you may suffer the whole time? Do they cut you off quick? It's the dictionary definition of a catch 22.

Just some shit I thin about from time to time.

classic youtube clip...smh

2009-08-15T16:28:00.000-07:00

Clas

"spark"

2009-08-12T08:37:00.001-07:00

The light shines so bright
it's so right
It's so night
So it's illumination can 't be ignored

And sunglasses you just can't afford
Not cost
I mean afford to ignore what's staring you right in the face

Not displaced
Not misplaced
Done purposely
executed perfectly
Damn near divine

point a to b (short jouney in photos)

2009-08-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

Mr T needs work

2009-08-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

The New Adventures of Mr. T - Mister T. needs WORK! | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

Moral of the story :parenting is hard

2009-08-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

The time after moving out of my parents house is somewhat funny to me. I grew up in a household where my dad, for the most part, ran the show. And what that meant in my specific case of upbringing is that my influences were monitored throughout my (0-18yr) life heavily but as I got older I was given more freedom to act on my own. I am still clueless on whether my parents did this purposely or was it circumstantial. Anyways, like I said before, it was funny once I moved out of the house and saw that my mothers side of the family, which was more matriarchal and also had an impact on my upbringing, was always worried about me. Like if I didn't check in with them every couple days, weeks, or so they'd set the family a buzz with all types of questions and such and if I wasn't there to answer questions most of the time people would just make shit up. It just came to me now like after 9 years of (legal) adulthood that maybe the hardest part of parenting isn't during 0-18. Maybe the hardest part is when they are out of the nest and the fam (because it takes a village) has to wonder to themselves "did I prepare them properly?"

Fuck a symbolic report card for the president. The true grade of parent is how a kid handles themselves when they're not in the presence of their parents...or better yet when they no longer have to fear the punishment from their parents. That's how you grade a parent.

Some double standards are ok...right???

2009-08-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough, it was discussed in a statistics class I just took that certain double-standards are just ingrained in society. And some of them I honestly don't know whether or not I want them to change.

Maybe it'd help if I shared the discussion...

Our teacher, a statistics professor, told us (the class) that apart of his job as a stats prof. every once in awhile he has to gather...statistics. And being that he doesn't want to get bored while doing it he tries to pick interesting subjects to gather info about. One of the subjects we discussed for many hours was "sexual coercion"

Sexual coercion by definition is being persuaded to do something sexually that you don't really want to do.

Many of us instantly think of some of the darker types of coercion such as rape (threats of violence and such), but the definition is so broad that more can fall into it. Behaviors such as:
-Nagging someone until they give in
-strolling in naked in order to distract your significant other from the game (distinctly a female behavior)
-telling someone that they aren't a real (woman/man) because they won't have sex with you
-threatening to put someone business in the street if they won't have sex with you
-telling some one they don't really love you because they won't have sex
-trying to assure someone that you won't dog them out after you have sex
-trying to assure someone that they won't regret having sex with them (i.e. the sex will be good)
-getting people drunk or intoxicated on drugs
-giving people gifts in order to get sex

I can go on and on.

Now, any of these in the environment of a job are grounds for sexual harassment. So for the purpose of my argument I'm gonna exclude that scenario. Lets say all of these happen outside of the work place.

If a woman nags a man to have sex over and over is that a big problem?
If a woman gets a man drunk with the purpose of getting him loose is that a big problem?

Now what about if a man does those things?

In the class we also tried to come up with a number of behaviors to more specifically define stalking. One of the things that came up out of us doing this was we found that when males were the "offenders" or the people doing the actions that they were taken more seriously then when females do the same thing.

You rarely hear about female getting caught up for vandalizing a car...If a man vandalizes someones property. It's a problem.

If a woman starts showing up at places at unexpected times guys tend not to sweat it. They may even use it to stroke their ego. When a man does it, immediate problem.

If a woman leaves a billion messages on your phone, a man thinks "I'm the shit" and chances are they won't think of taking any action other than blocking their number. When a guy does it, a woman thinks "restraining order"

Shit...even when a woman threatens the life of a man that man rarely takes the threat serious enough to take action...straight up. But if a man does it, its pretty textbook for a woman to call the police on his ass.

Now don't get me wrong at all, I have a sister, and shit even if I didn't have a sister I would more than likely think that these particular realities (the female reactions) are on point. Meaning that if a guy were to do these things to any female I expect them to immediately act in order to protect themselves...but unfortunately, the reality of these reactions, both the womens actions and the mens often ignorant lack of action, means that that it is society general thinks that women are the weaker sex. I'm pretty sure it is this mentality that obstructs women from making advancements in other areas. Is it possible to make strides in one area without the other. I don't know. I do know that I honestly feel a bit of comfort telling my sis to get authorities involved. Don't get it twisted, I've also taught my sis to scrap her way out if she has to, the the reality is that's not gonna work all the time (and scientifically men are physically stronger than women), so it's best to take the steps to avoid the nonsense.

I don't put too much weight behind the strength thing tho. Every class I've ever taken dealing with intellectual subject matter (math, science, history, etc) has been dominated by females. So does that mean that women are intellectually superior? Could be... but if that's the case then you're compelled to ask (with womens' need to fight for equality over the past kajillion years) "is it wise to emphasize strength or intellect?" I personally don't know.

I could go on and on. Hopefully, I sparked some thought in someone other than myself in this one. Feel free to share thoughts opinions, etc...

the illest break dancer ever

2009-08-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

if you think otherwise
PROVE IT!!

I have to see this

2009-08-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

My much older cousin once said to his wife...

2009-08-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

I've been working at the zoo for 30 years.

Everyday on the way to work I smell shit.

When I get to work I have to shovel shit.

And when I leave I smell like shit.

Now when I get home woman I ain't gon' put up with your shit

Mmm mmm...That's too much shit.

LMAO!

Drakes explanation

2009-08-01T15:53:00.000-07:00

MTV Shows

(Source:http://o0hmikee.blogspot.com/ ...check out his blog he has a lot of cool media stuff on there.)

Just asking...

2009-08-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

Alright I have a question for ya'll...and homey, if you are reading this (you know who you are), this isn't a dis at you, a slight, or anything like that. It's all love. I'm just trying to gain some information so maybe I can be enlightened. Trying to find out whether I'm tripping or not.

Ok...now that I've gotten the disclaimer out there.

Ladies and gents. Let's say, hypothetically speaking, you were dating a person for six months. Nothing official. No titles. But for six months you and another person handled each other in a way that it could possibly turn into something bigger. After that six months it turns out that it didn't work out. No official relationship comes out of it. You both go your separate ways. a little time goes by, and a person you both know asks the person you've been dating for half of a year about the said relationship and they deny anything happened at all. Forget dating...they say they "barely even know you".

Is that insulting to you?
Would you be offended?

I mean, forget about how you would react to the news of this afterward. After pursuing the possibility of a relationship for 6 months, and then someone denying they even know you, like you're a lesser being. Would you feel insulted?

The catalyst for many of my aspirations

2009-07-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

11 statements

2009-07-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

1. Everybody wants to be openly acknowledged as attractive
2. Not even unattractive people want to be with unattractive people
3. It's funny how being acknowledge as attractive by someone you perceive as not attractive is rarely ever flattering.
4. Nobody seems to be satisfied with how they look
5. Even the people you and I perceive to be attractive have moments of uncertainty
6. It upsets me to see people I perceive to be attractive to down their looks. I find it almost insulting to my senses.
7. I still don't know where I fall in the spectrum of things. My fam clowned me hard growing up and girls played mean tricks and sent too many mixed signals for me to really get a feel for where I stand...such is life
8. I think that my experiences have left me semi-bitter toward ultra attractive people. Not enough to make me a hater, but it's there non-the-less. I'm working on myself though.
9. A product of that...or maybe not...you tell me...is the belief that the majority of ultra attractive people tend to be unintelligent and lacking in personality. I want to think otherwise...but I rarely see otherwise.
10. Also in my experience...women who tend to be ultra attractive tend to suck in bed. My guess is that they have come to think that the guy should be happy to be able to get it at all. So actually doing something other than laying on her back isn't necessary.
11. 9 and 10 could mean that I am more of a hater than I previously thought, or maybe not.

Could've been a tweet..but eff it

2009-07-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentleman,
We MUST learn to differentiate between individual characteristics and stuff that most men or women do.

Alright folks I need ya!!!

2009-07-18T16:52:00.001-07:00

I have just submitted a t-shirt design for this contest. I'd appreciate it if you took a couple seconds out of your time to click on the link here and once there click on the "5" by my design. Thanks They are finally allowing folks to vote now. It only takes a couple seconds. THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!

You talking that garbage

2009-07-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

I've recently started to loathe the chore of taking out the garbage. Why now after all these years of doing so with no problem? Well now where I live currently,I have to walk 100 yards to the nearest dumpster to drop it off. And this walk has become a daily occurence.

I know I'm wack as hell for complaining. Especially since there are small villages around the world that have to walk miles just for water and other amenities. Yeah I'm on some bullshit...but I'm working on myself.

Anywho... On the way to the dumpster it occured to me that my household in which is made up of 2 people produces about 1 to 2 full bags of garbage a day. Lets say I'm responsible for 1 bag of garbage a day. Which honestly is pretty much a fact. How much garbage am I responsible for in a year. Say I produce 365 bags a year (which I'm sure is a gross reduction, after thinking about family events, parties, cleaning the house...and I won't even get into OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE GARBAGE) In ten years time I could probably more than fill my own dump! In a lifetime I could probably fill my own landfill!

Think about that shit. All that shit we add to the clutter/downfall of the planet.

Now think about how we as individuals do to improve its welfare.

I dunno about ya'll but I need to figure something out because my shit ain't balancing out....shit...it's not even close.

VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

I have just submitted a t-shirt design for this contest. I'd appreciate it if you took a couple seconds out of your time to click on the link here and once there click on the "5" by my design. Thanks

"Frah- Gee-Lay...ahhhh must be French"

2009-07-10T23:52:00.000-07:00

"Life is fragile."

We've all heard variations of this phrase before...And it's usually meant in terms of how easy it seems to have life taken away from you.

But what people tend not to consider is that...life is a bit more complex than that.

Let me tell you a story that'll help articulate what I'm getting at.

I was watching the news a couple weeks ago and the story of a young boy had come on. Apparently, the boy had become (depressed/down/low) or what not to the point where he not only considered killing himself, the kid went all in and hung himself. Sounds simple enough right? A person gets down and commits suicide... a pretty gloomy and unfortunately common occurrence in this world... So what made this kid news worthy? Well, after the kid had been hanging for a couple hours his mother walks in and discovers him. Immediately she jumps into mom mode, takes her son down, and rushes him to the hospital. The good news (and I use that phrase very loosely) is that the doctors were able to bring the boy back to life. The bad news is that he had been hanging so long that the oxygen loss from his brain had done irreparable damage so he's left to be severely physically and mentally handicapped for the rest of his life.

A very depressing story I know...but on a grand scale this is the ULTIMATE metaphor for life. People always talk about how some bad decisions might kill you... Shit that's if your lucky. I would say that most of the time what happens is that you'll have to LIVE to face the consequences of your decisions over and over again...Like the movie "Groundhog Day" but not funny...

I'll end this with a paraphrase...

Life is fragile, make the right decisions so you don't have to live a fractured life.