Friday, August 7, 2009

Some double standards are ok...right???

Oddly enough, it was discussed in a statistics class I just took that certain double-standards are just ingrained in society. And some of them I honestly don't know whether or not I want them to change.

Maybe it'd help if I shared the discussion...

Our teacher, a statistics professor, told us (the class) that apart of his job as a stats prof. every once in awhile he has to gather...statistics. And being that he doesn't want to get bored while doing it he tries to pick interesting subjects to gather info about. One of the subjects we discussed for many hours was "sexual coercion"

Sexual coercion by definition is being persuaded to do something sexually that you don't really want to do.

Many of us instantly think of some of the darker types of coercion such as rape (threats of violence and such), but the definition is so broad that more can fall into it. Behaviors such as:
-Nagging someone until they give in
-strolling in naked in order to distract your significant other from the game (distinctly a female behavior)
-telling someone that they aren't a real (woman/man) because they won't have sex with you
-threatening to put someone business in the street if they won't have sex with you
-telling some one they don't really love you because they won't have sex
-trying to assure someone that you won't dog them out after you have sex
-trying to assure someone that they won't regret having sex with them (i.e. the sex will be good)
-getting people drunk or intoxicated on drugs
-giving people gifts in order to get sex

I can go on and on.

Now, any of these in the environment of a job are grounds for sexual harassment. So for the purpose of my argument I'm gonna exclude that scenario. Lets say all of these happen outside of the work place.

If a woman nags a man to have sex over and over is that a big problem?
If a woman gets a man drunk with the purpose of getting him loose is that a big problem?

Now what about if a man does those things?

In the class we also tried to come up with a number of behaviors to more specifically define stalking. One of the things that came up out of us doing this was we found that when males were the "offenders" or the people doing the actions that they were taken more seriously then when females do the same thing.

You rarely hear about female getting caught up for vandalizing a car...If a man vandalizes someones property. It's a problem.

If a woman starts showing up at places at unexpected times guys tend not to sweat it. They may even use it to stroke their ego. When a man does it, immediate problem.

If a woman leaves a billion messages on your phone, a man thinks "I'm the shit" and chances are they won't think of taking any action other than blocking their number. When a guy does it, a woman thinks "restraining order"

Shit...even when a woman threatens the life of a man that man rarely takes the threat serious enough to take action...straight up. But if a man does it, its pretty textbook for a woman to call the police on his ass.

Now don't get me wrong at all, I have a sister, and shit even if I didn't have a sister I would more than likely think that these particular realities (the female reactions) are on point. Meaning that if a guy were to do these things to any female I expect them to immediately act in order to protect themselves...but unfortunately, the reality of these reactions, both the womens actions and the mens often ignorant lack of action, means that that it is society general thinks that women are the weaker sex. I'm pretty sure it is this mentality that obstructs women from making advancements in other areas. Is it possible to make strides in one area without the other. I don't know. I do know that I honestly feel a bit of comfort telling my sis to get authorities involved. Don't get it twisted, I've also taught my sis to scrap her way out if she has to, the the reality is that's not gonna work all the time (and scientifically men are physically stronger than women), so it's best to take the steps to avoid the nonsense.

I don't put too much weight behind the strength thing tho. Every class I've ever taken dealing with intellectual subject matter (math, science, history, etc) has been dominated by females. So does that mean that women are intellectually superior? Could be... but if that's the case then you're compelled to ask (with womens' need to fight for equality over the past kajillion years) "is it wise to emphasize strength or intellect?" I personally don't know.

I could go on and on. Hopefully, I sparked some thought in someone other than myself in this one. Feel free to share thoughts opinions, etc...


  1. you've sparked the dormant socioligist in me.

    I do agree that there is a double standard but i disagree on some of teh tendacies you've named. The calling and popping up at the job and such i think is generally Not a problem for either sex unless the intentions are negative. I actually think when females are dumped or what have you, and they begin doing the calling, popping up and such they are labeled crazy and deranged and this becomes a tale he can tell his dudes. He doesn'r really take it seriously. Yeah she may have bust he windows but his reaction when he tells his friends is to laugh.

    i'm going to give you an example. I did something a while back that should have gotten me into a bunch of trouble. Instead, my ex told this story to a whole bumch of people. Yeah I got the wow that bitch is crazy but the he told teh story uin such a way that it made him to be this irresistable man that has a girl stuck on him in the most extreme way. He bragged about it. I even caught him telling another girl about the story in the "watch out b.c she's crazy
    kind of way but still laughing and boasting about teh effect he has on girls.

  2. Right...exactly...a woman does that to a man and it's oddly comical. A man does that to a woman and people tend to be more rational and do something to stop them from doing it again.

  3. well the difference in man vs woman coercion is: regardless...a man's body will react (unless there's a serious problem) but a woman's body will not react even if she "gives in" verbally (out of obligation to 'love' etc)....if she's uneasy...the whole ordeal will be "uneasy" & rarely do you hear of 'Painful' sex stories from guys!! so people are more "protective" over women when it comes to sex because when all the consequences come into play, we're usually the ones stuck with them! and frankly, more damage is done when a woman is coerced/forced!

    In addition, men rarely associate Sex with Feelings so it's easier for most men to just "do it" without meaning vs. women....women usually associate love, sex, & trust...making a forced sexual experience more emotionally detrimental!

    as for stalking, threatening, etc....same thing: women are PERCEIVED to cause less damage, but idk, some women get CRAZY!!