Thursday, September 9, 2010


Still fine tuning my craft. I've gotten the comfortability on stage pretty much I'm just writing and editing my act to make it flow right.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010 this racist???'s John again. Remember a couple blogs back when I talked about the guy I grew up with who ended up being a stereotypical republican right winger? Well dude is back to his old tricks again... Dude posted a joke (and I use that term lightly) in his status. And the problem with it, besides it not being funny, is everything it implies.

It's true what they say, if you just sit back and observe, you can learn everything you want to know about a person...because they'll show you themselves.

I still am debating on whether or not it's worth it to comment on this. What do ya'll think?

Friday, August 6, 2010

I crack myself up

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ninja what?? Ninja who??


Friday, July 16, 2010

??Objectively biased??

So I'm on facebook when I come across this pic in a friend's photo album.

Come to find out guy a grew up with has different political (opinions/allegiances/etc) than I do. No biggie. It happens. My problem is, shit likes this irks the fuck out of me. Like seriously, after seeing this I debated with myself on whether to even say anything at all. I think by now we should all be familiar with how folks on either side with strong views such as this tend to be. Basically, unmovable in their positions.But I just had to say something...This was what I initially came up with (I'm John)

Pretty straight forward. And I even attempted to be objective...or as objective as a person defending another person can be. But even after all that, the homey (disappointingly) replied in the fashion that (Republicans/conservatives/tea party folks) have been characterized to make.

Smh... I dunno if I'm foolish for even trying or cocky for thinking that I can get everyone to think like me...OR BOTH. Yet I'm always compelled in these situations to say something.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Com mo dee

Comedy is fucking awesome. And yes I meant to say "awesome".Like I wish I had gotten into it earlier. I haven't been this excited being creative since I was a little ankle biter drawing (because I never scribbled) on whatever piece of paper I could round up. 20 some odd years later I've been battered and bruised by folks that don't understand the fact that just because we love our jobs doesn't mean we want to do it for next to nothing. Don't get me wrong I still love to create through drawing and what not... but I like a quick turn over. Back in the day in school when I was drawing for myself I'd get love from myself and others who observed it and that was the pay off. Then when I made it an avenue of income shit got real. Come to find out people generally don't care about art. Mainly because in schools when people are taught about art...NO ONE IS EVER TAUGHT HOW MUCH PEOPLE WERE PAID FOR THESE FAMOUS ART WORKS... I mean that and this fuckin starving artist shit thats goin around. Just because it's a cliche don't mean you should contribute to it bastards...Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanywho. I'm back in that innocent phase now. I love performing. I love it that the reward (laughter) is quick. The only downfall is that, unlike with art which getting your fix is only a pen and a random piece of paper away, I need a stage and an audience to do comedy. To better accustom myself to the intricacies of comedy I need a stage, a mic, and an audience. That sucks. My broke ass needs to get my car up and running again. I need to get my stage time up son.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Rolling with the punches

Well last night I performed in my very first paid gig. Definitely a landmark for me. Not really happy how it turned out. No so much the show but my performance.

Lemme explain...
First and foremost the show entitled "Tokes and Jokes" took place in a former factory building. This ended up being cool and wack at the same time. Cool because it's just an interesting buiding to be in and whack because it was like 70+ degrees with only one fan. At times waiting for that breeze to come around was like waiting for the bus to come...smh.

The title again for the event was "Tokes and Jokes" it was a medical marijuana event...pretty cool. I figured to myself "how hard could it be to make a bunch of weed heads laugh?"...And for the first half of the show I was right...the other comedians had pretty much no problem getting a high crowd to laugh. But after about a good 2 hours of comedy and an intermission that included a spectacle called the weed olympics, highs started coming down. The heat started becoming more of a factor. 3/4 of the crowd went home.

In these settings you just have to LOVE performing. Which I do. Unfortunately I haven't developed that "don't give a fuck" (trait/quality/skill) yet. Ya see...the relationship between the comedian and the audience is a lot like a boxing match. A (good/tough) (comedian/boxer) can keep his head despite taking punishment from the(opponent/crowd) because they always know there is always the possibility that they can knock them out at any time. Whenever a (comedian/boxer) forgets that this happens...

The weird thing is, despite the small crowd I still got laughs. What got to me was this one couple. I'm positive the reason that I let them get to me was because they were black. And in my mind I figured if I can make them laugh then I'm really doing something. Which was more or less me stereotyping. Who knows what the reason was for them not laughing and giving me what I perceived to be the "nigga get off the stage" look was. The point is I shouldn't have let them faze me. I instantly felt bad after I got off stage. I should've stayed on and performed more. Stuck it out... "Rolled with the punches"

Ya live and ya learn.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

uh huh yep

Well... what's going on in my life.

I haven't been able to get to a stage since I last recorded my last vid. So I'm anxious as fuck.
What's been on my mind since then more or less:
-Gotta get more stage time
-Gotta start hosting open mics
-Gotta figure out how other comedians are opening for more established comedians.

Gotta get shit rolling.

Friday, June 4, 2010

More standup from yours truly

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Off top right quick...

Excuse me
I'm just writing
just passing thru
Just waving
Just greeting
saying "Hi" to you
Yet sometimes I seem high to you
Never my intent to apply to you
You're in my business
I'm tryin to be less of a private dude

Ring around the collar

Now maybe I'm just biased because I'm a man...but all this "woe is me I'm getting older and yet I'm still not married" shit is for the birds.

It's a wedding ring, not a drivers license...not a (insert better metaphor here)...

Basically, there is no cut off age for this shit. So in the mean time, have fun. Date. Or better yet do shit that wouldn't be appropriate while being in a relationship or married.

Chill the fuck out.


Marriage is some uber difficult shit. Don't believe me? Check out the statistics. The last thing you want to do is rush into it.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

English??!! Muthafukka Do you speak it?!?!?

Sooo...I'm on facebook reading statuses...when a friend of mine puts up a status asking at what age is it dangerous for women to have children.

A couple responses down a lady responds with a sad story of how she knows that after 35 child bearing becomes dangerous. Basically, someone close to her died. The thing that fucked me up though was the fact that she spelled "buried" as "bearded"... So her close friend at age 35 gave birth, was bearded, and now is gone.

No one had the courage to correct her spelling. So I had to use every moral and ethical cell in my body to hold back from laughing at such a fucked up sentence.

I know...I can be a jerk sometimes.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The study of stupid

I apologize if I've written about this before...because I know I've spoken about it many times.

But It really upsets me that I live in a country (and ultimately a world) that reminisces back on times where oppression was king and thinks this is a heritage worth hanging on to. I'm talking specifically about the confederate flag. You've seen it numerous times. Whenever folks try to be rid of it on a large scale (take it out of state flags etc.). Ignorant folks come out the wood works talking about ya'll trying to take away a piece of my heritage. That's our culture you're tampering with. How folks can't see how absurd this is alludes me.

It came to me the other day that racial oppression is more or less like bullying...times like 1000. Could you imagine if your childhood bullies grew up talking about you see this spitwad...This is apart of my culture...My family has been giving swirlies for generations how dare you take that from us. People would look at them like they were crazy... or at least, I would like to think so... More than likely I'm just giving people too much credit.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Yo...Peace and love to all my followers...especially if you actually check my blogs out. What I've noticed recently is I've been getting responses in some Asian font and or language. I have no idea what any of it says...but I'd like to. Hopefully it's not spam or something like that. That would be disappointing. I've clicked on the bloggers names connected to the comments but I don't see any pictures nor do I see any blogs on the pages so.....

If anyone has a solution to how I could find out for sure I'd appreciate it.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

A case of the mondays (bitter beer)

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice to everybody.

So today I woke up, got hit with the bad news wrote a blog about it, then hit back to my room to sleep off some of the gloominess. In the mean time in between time, whenever I'm feeling really down I always try to keep up the visual "I'm ok" look. Mainly because there is nothing worse than a bunch of folks who could really give 2 fucks about you asking you "what's wrong?", or "are you ok?". That shit is for the birds. So I always try to keep up the facade.

So, I'm chilling in my room lights off taking a nap, when out of nowhere the janitor pops in and decides to clean my bathroom. Dude was about as tactful as dynamite fishing. SMH. But I'm trying my best not to sweat it because like I said before...keeping up the facade. Dude sparks up some small talk asking me where I'm from. I tell him (Maryland). I ask him the same. He answers (Michigan his whole life)...Then for some reason this white janitor decides to tell me that he's married to a Philipino woman 30 years his junior (he's 60)...and that they just had a child together that's now 6 months old. He also tells me that he was somewhat disappointed that his child has his skin color and not his wife's...Blah blah blah and some other bullshit that was unauthentic...It's at this time that I say to myself "FUCK!"

I fucking hate it when I'm talking to someone outside my race and they try to fucking pander to me on some race shit. That shit is phoney as shit. Just because you can stick your fucking dick inside another race doesn't make you a civil rights activist asshole. SMH.

But that's not all. After talking that shit...he says "I don't really care about color anyways"...and I think "awesome...end of conversation"...But I'm wrong. This fuck brings up the bible and then proceeds to tell me a very contridictory tale about how he thinks the Bible says that Black people are cursed...Then the fuck follows it up by saying that back in slavery times that many black people betrayed their own by selling them into slavery. He says it in a way that lets you know he thinks in his tiny brain that betrayal is something unique to just black people.

And just when dude finishes up his bullshit tirade and gives me a space to shut him THE FUCK UP, a nurse comes in and gives me some punk ass tests. And he wanders off to who knows where. Leaving me pissed for a number of reasons..

1.I let that fuck tell me to my face that God cursed Black people.
2.I let that fuck tell me to my face that God cursed Black people.
3.I let that fuck tell me to my face that God cursed Black people..and get away with out either (a)Punching the old out of his 60 year old ass (b)Telling him the truth (c)telling him he's an idiot (d)all of the above.

I'm still arguing with myself wondering if I took the high road or punked out. Money is on the line in there somewhere.

What a fucking day this is so far...


Damn son. Shit is falling apart all around me. No sign of hope in sight. One of the only job prospects I had lined up just told that I'm ineligible for the job because my driver's license was suspended. That shit is news to me because I've never gotten so much as a letter informing me so. Shit, my car has been out of commision since December. I got a fucking degree and can't seem to do shit with it as far as bringing in a steady income. Shit is bleek as fuck right now. I don't know what to do. I may HAVE to join the military after all. I can't take much more of this jobless shit. I'm a fucking man. I should be able to support at LEAST myself at bare minimum.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Ni99az is broke...

Ni99az is broke these days...I'm talking broke on some where the fuck are all the kings horses and all the kings men to put my life back together broke. Shit is hectic. I'm knocking on desperate's door Jehovah's Witness style...Nigga I know you in there...

Get the picture?

Anywho...I've sold my body to science. No bullshit. For the past 7 days I've been confined to a hospital with the stipulations that I have to:
  • eat everything they give me (3 big meals and 3 snacks a day)
  • get blood drawn daily, and on two days out of the process I have to have blood drawn every 20 minutes.
  • get injected with growth hormone four times every day.
  • two days out of the process I have to pee in a jug for the whole day (for urinalysis)
  • and finally I have to have 2 rice-sized pieces of muscle cut out of my leg for sampling.

The whole process is 2 weeks long. I'm halfway finished. When I'm done I get a stack (1 thousand bucks).

Is it worth it? Personally I'd rather just have a fucking job. But eh...

Monday, April 26, 2010

Pulling teeth

Having friends that see their own talents...and pursue them career-wise is a recent phenomenon for me. So the whole concept of people having to beat people over the head in order for them to check out your "talent" is fairly new to me as well. I've always been the type of person that'll give the friend a shot though. If you have a book or a blog, I'll read it. If you do things musically, I'll give it a listen. Etc. It never occurred to me tho that some people would be resistant to checking out your stuff until I personally experienced it. A person told me straight up before they saw anything that they didn't want to see me perform because they don't like to see people fail. Sounds kinda harsh, and more than likely I'm sure it could have been phrased WAY better but I know get the gist of what they were talking about. When people you are close to get into things that require talent it often means that you end up being the first person to have to judge that talent. It's all good if they're good but if they're not sometimes it means you'll be forced to lie to them...or if you're a gangster, telling em straight up tat you're not feeling their stuff. Which can possibly put a strain on ya relationship.

Monday, April 19, 2010


It's wild how things change. How things that were once so solid seem to evaporate into the atmosphere...and vice versa.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I promised and therefore I shall deliver

This set comprises of mostly new jokes but. It went over pretty well. I'm sure once I perform it more it'll clean itself up. But the crowd seemed to like it...Check it out...

Monday, April 5, 2010

grinds my gears

I hate when old folks talk that "good old days" bullshit...Fuck u talkin about??? You didn't have any rights!!! Talking about times were better...smh.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sometimes you just have to be like... "fuck it"

Alright...I finally gathered up the guts to post the vid from that fateful night....The comedy competition.

It was my third time performing in front of a crowd (of non-peers). I was nervous. I was drunk. I said "you know" WAY TOO MANY TIMES...smh @ myself. I messed up some of my big jokes (1:37-4:00). I had a lot on the line...a cash prize of 200 bucks. I lost to somebody I previously didn't even consider to be competition. So after it went down and it didn't go favorably I took it kinda hard... but now I'm a little more comfortable with it because I've gotten better...

**Disclaimer** This comfort could very well leave tomorrow or in an hour...or right after I hit the "publish" button...So check it out while you can.

Anywho... here it is

I still plan on filming and taping myself this wednesday. I should be performing. I spoke to the club today and they said I'm an alternate...Go figure...I call in and am still an alternate.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Now you see you don't

In a few month I've gotten so confident in my stand up skills that I think I'll finally share it with my blog. I called yesterday to get on the local comedy club showcase open mic list...and considering how I've been able to get a walk on spot to the list the past 2 weeks I should be able to get a spot the legitimate way(calling in)...Or at least you would think right?

So in the event that everything goes as planned I'll video tape and post the act on the blog. This time I'll try not to pump fake.

To be continued April 8th....


Also next week:

I get my "lab rat" on at U of M....should be interesting. And on April 10th I celebrate my 28th year on this planet. Should be fun. I'll be sure to blog about both later.

Peace and love ya'll.

Monday, March 29, 2010

This little light of mine...will blind you

I hate when people more or less "hate" on other shine. Don't get me wrong sometimes its warranted. Maybe I should be more specific... And I swear this ish happens VERY OFTEN.

(Insert random celebrity name here) gets attention for whatever and then out the blue some random person gets slightly offended at this attention, and states something like "It's a shame that (random celeb) is getting all this attention but (insert either Jesus or random historical figure) doesn't"

That shit irks me.

Firstly because when they say the shit about Jesus it just isn't true. Don't get me wrong. Not everybody is going bonkers over Jesus and I almost am prone to think that's what these people want. But enough are. One doesn't have to do much more than to click on their TV any given Sunday to find some televangelist preaching in mega churches across the country that rival many stadiums and concert venues. And please believe those joints are PACKED.

Secondly, as far as other historical figures...when has the world ever functioned where everyone shines at the same time? The sun shines on one area at a time does it not? It's not realistic even from mother natures perspective so why would it be the case for anything else? Also when said person is getting all this positive attention it usually means that the person has a multitude of people big upping their name. Therefore if you really want your person to shine get on your job.

Stop hating on other people. It's counter-productive

Friday, March 26, 2010

"How come you talk out ya ass but don't have sh*t to say?"

So within a weeks time span I've managed to perform stand up and KILL IT and then perform and get heckled to the point I just walked off the stage. That yin and yang is a mf'er. Having one of the best and worst experiences of your life in the same week can be seriously draining. But ah well... I guess it comes with the territory. I still plan on continuing to perform. And on the bright side of my heckling experience, afterward I was able to come up with some counter-heckling material. Definitely some well needed shit for some one that performs stand up. Shit is like having a gun in the hood. may not be absolutely imperative to have one but you'd be amazed at the respect that you can garner when you do.

To be honest tho I should have been prepared for the negative experience anyway. It wasn't even a comedy club, it was a poetry open mic in a hole in the wall bar. Other than the music which my homey deejayed the vibe was all kinds of terrible. People were carrying on there own side conversations while people were performing. Many of the poems were off the wall (in a bad way). Others in the crowd just looked bored. I didn't feel like performing poetry that day. I had just came off of a great performance on Wednesday. I wanted to get that feeling back. So I figured I'd do comedy and maybe somehow wake the crowd up for the poets or whoever that followed...

So I get on stage and get into my stuff and out the blue this chick is just yelling all kinds of bullshit out. It caught me off guard, because well first I've never experienced that before and second because ol girl was a new member of a poetry troupe I use to belong to...She should know better. I tried to work through it initially, but she kept fucking with my timing. So I just was like "fuck it" and walked off the stage. I had an angry vibe the rest of the night. It took me forever to get back to sleep. I kept thinking of how I should have handled it. How I should have addressed her so that I could continue my stuff in peace.

Ya live and ya learn.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Rant upinthisbitch

1. It's funny how I can feel super confident in some areas and not confident at all in others
2. I punked out on posting the vid from the comedy competition. I didn't do bad, but I fucked up none the less. I don't like showing folks my shit unless its A-1.
3. I need to meet more people. Not enough people know about me. Not enough people know who I am. THIS HAS TO CHANGE.
4. Sometimes I get down on myself but then I try to snap out of it because I don't want to be that stereotypical moody artist (I am though)
5. In May I'm going to literally be a lab rat for 2 weeks. Get this... U of M is going to pay me a G to feed me 6 meals a day, have me sit on my ass, and measure my weight gain. (in Smokey from Friday voice) "Niggas is broke these days"
6. I should've wrote this rant last night...I would've had more to say...Ah well I'm sure it'll come back.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Work in progress


Red light, green light
Whats the potion to keep you in motion
I'm tryin to keep your mind open with potent smelling salts
Keep you aware so you stay scopin just beyond the end of the tunnel

Because too many turn away
Knock away blinders
Claim they make it so they can't see
When they could never see shit, even with shit in their eyes

It amazes me how some can't see sick amidst waves transporting small pox to their brethren
See while you're splitting hairs,
they're splitting up theirs
You from yours
You neglected to stay the course

Quit the race right when the baton was handed to you
You was enjoying progress instead of progressing
You lessened the pace when you should have still been learning lessons...

Monday, March 8, 2010


I swear I'm the flyest and other times I swear I'm funny looking. But when the latter is going on I try my best to act otherwise, because sometimes you can fool

Monday, March 1, 2010

after taste

There are certain events in life that just leave you speechless. Sometimes I wonder if words are even appropriate at all in these circumstances. Who knows. I guess the best I can do is try to treat everybody in a loving fashion and hope for the best. Peace and blessings to everyone.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Keeping it real...with reality

(I'm going to attempt to make this sound not like a rant as much as possible.)

"To err is human..."

You've probably heard that quote quite a few times. Basically, it means that fucking up is apart of being alive. Its what we humans do. We fuck up from time to time. Some more than others. Many of us try our best not to do so but it's inevitable. The trick is to just contain the size of the fuck up and then you can probably at least live with yourself.

Now I don't say this to be a cop out or anything like that. I believe we should all strive for perfection. I mean why not? Sure it doesn't exist and probably has never existed but if your not trying to better yourself then whats the point of living?

With all that in mind I get some what annoyed when I see people judge each other so harshly. A friend of mine once got on a stage and told a crowd of people "There are geniuses all around you, be aware." That quote has stuck with me. Its true. There are special people, geniuses, everywhere. And most of them we'll never notice. Why? Because many of need some kind of sponsorship or special co-sign for people to see the light. And until that happens all we see is whatever we deem as imperfection. Why can't we have both? Why can't people fuck up and be geniuses? That would be too much like REALITY. That's why when I hear stuff like MLK cheated on his wife, Ghandi was racist against blacks, or stuff like that I'm not phased (anymore). What do we expect from these people? I know we are constantly beat over the head by these companies (which are out to make a dollar) that these people were just these superb individuals that shat world peace. But that isn't the truth. They were just people. They woke up and breathed the same air that we do. They just shined in certain areas.

Don't sleep on the geniuses around you.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Parallels of life

Doing poorly in pick-up basket is kinda like cheating on your girlfriend and her finding out. Sure... you may be able to stay in the game, but you ain't getting NO PLAY FOR A LONG TIME...smh. Like that hoop is literally like "the circle of trust"...and if your shots don't fall into that circle...

I think you get the

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A quick sneaker poem

I like to wear kicks
But I don't like to wear wear on kicks
So I try not to wear them out.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

How many of us have them

Friends are people that have your back, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc...

What makes a person a good friend as opposed to a bad friend is their ability to continuously have your back when the opportunity arises. As in, they have all the tools to make your life at least a little better, or to help you out even a smidgen. Those people that continuously answer the call (both literally and figuratively) are the people you want to keep in you lives.

**Never get confuse true opportunity with capability. If you're in need of help and your friend in question doesn't have the means, that doesn't automatically make them a bad friend.

" high or special regard "

It always disappoints me to hear someone say that they believe that respect should be earned and not given. That ethically doesn't sit right with me for a number of reasons...

  • Does that mean that you treat every new person in your life with disrespect?
  • What exactly does one have to do to earn respect?
  • And if someone is only going to be in your life a short while why is showing them ya know,MANNERS, a problem?
  • What do you have to lose by treating some random person with respect?
Now if you substitute the word respect for trust, can somewhat understand. Not to say that you should treat people like criminals or anything like that. It just makes more sense for someone to earn trust. Example. I frequent a public computer lab on a nearby college campus and most of the time I use the facility I have my book bag filled with things I deem valuable but are pretty much valueless to others. Anyone who has lived on a college campus for as long as I have knows that unattended bookbags are easy targets. Therefore I always make sure to carry EVERYTHING with me in the case of a quick bathroom break. And if there happens to be an acquaintance around I'll tell them to keep an eye on my stuff til I get back.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The best medicine

Well it turns out that I made the cut to the standup comedy competition. I've been super excited since getting the news. But now it's time to get my act SUPER tight. To do so I've been watching some of my favorite comedians for performance mannerisms that I could use. Here is one act that I'm sure you'll enjoy

Dave Chappelle - Stand Up before fame!
Uploaded by eskobar1987. - Click for more funny videos.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I don't endorse bullshit...

I don't care if you're my homey...real talk. It'll still be all love (as in, love ya as a person),but I refuse to ride behind the garbage truck.

With that said... My homey slash emcee extraordinaire, Boog Brown just dropped a mixtape. Dope beats dope rhymes what else do yall want (c) Phonte. You should check her out she's super dope.


This is not a photo

Neither is this

These are paintings by artist Linnea Strid...Get familiar.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"Big fat Phonies"

I'm pretty sure my readers know by now that I am a porn fan...

"And if you don't know now you know"-- Christopher Wallace

But one thing I've noticed lately that has kinda dulled the luster of the whole fantasy, is the fact that the audio in many films are recorded AFTER the actual scenes are shot. I'm not even talking about just the really bad ones either. I'm watching the chicks mouths extra closely lately and the moans ain't lining up son. The "oh shits" have like a 5 minute delay. There are periods when I swear I'm watching porn via satellite.

I mean I understand it. I do. I mean they're actual films...meaning there is usually direction (by a director) involved. And nobody want to hear that ish. But damn. Couldn't there be cue cards or some shit to make things more natural???

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

soooooooooo yeah...

I performed a comedy routine I have been refining for a good 4 months to myself to my friends tonight. It was my second time performing it in front of people. They responded pretty positively, but they were high. So I don't wanna get too amped. I got a second audition this thursday so I'll let ya'll know how that goes... Wait...did I even blog about my first audition???? In short... it was as average as soft core porn sex. Improvement was needed. Hopefully, I've made the right moves. I've contemplated recording myself and just posting it on youtube but I'm pretty sure that won't have the same effect...

Oh yeah...I'm drunk...that's irrelevant...but not. Drop the details later.

Hard outside/chewy inside

Nobody wants to be that person that everyone knows is vulnerable. But as far as artists go, everyone usually appreciates and applauds those [artists] who let the public know that they themselves are vulnerable. It's like martyrdom only you get to wake up the next day.

I'm still coming to grips with that.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Prince isn't gangsta

It was my Junior year in college. I in my dorm room was doing my daily ritual of glancing at the social network of the time and listening to music when...BANG!!! This grown ass man who resembled Angry Man from Martin kicked open the door and then walked in a very creepy fashion.

Dude looks at me and asks me if I'm (my room mates name). I tell him no. He tells me to tell my room mate that he's looking for him and walks back out leaving me with a wtf expression grooved into my face.

Turned out that my room mate at the time apparently had fucked and fucked over thee wrong chick. Once I informed him of what had transpired he proceeded to get ghost(or so I thought). So I'm excited to have the room to myself, but my nerves are still a lil bad from fuckin Black Snake Moan

....Kool Aid Manning his way through my damn door. So I started playing laid back music to chill out with.

About 5 or 6 hours pass. It's late. I'm in the bed about to go to sleep with Prince greatest hits playing in my radio. When out the blue my roommates older brother walks in the damn room...Armed. I guess my room mate got a lil shook and called his bro just in case Lando Calrissian made a return.

So I'm in my bed and he's on the other side of the room on some Malcolm X shit...

with Prince still playing in the background. Eventually the whole 2 men in a dark room with Prince on got so awkward I ended up having to put something else on more appropriate. I didn't get much sleep that night.

The end

Monday, January 25, 2010

A sucker baby boom

Rewind to last summer...

I was in the process of finishing up my bachelor's degree so I decided to take a 1 week class in traverse city (a 5 hour drive up from where I live) to satisfy a program requirement. Anyways, when I got there I met this older dude. He was in the class with me trying to satisfy the same class requirement so he could graduate the same time as myself. There wasn't really anything extraordinary about the guy except for the fact that dude was knocking on 50's door and was single. But if you see the dude in action, all wonderment of how that occurred goes out the window. Dudes "game" is like that of Jerome's (c) Martin but without the charm. So basically, all aggression and corniness.

After half the week had gone by I had gotten pretty cool with old dude and he decided to tell me about this online "relationship" (for lack of a better word) he had been having for the past month or so. Dude was like "yeah I've been messing with this African babe over the internet...yadda yadda" "She's bad as hell...blah blah blah" and then he asks me if I wanted to see pics. So I'm like yeah why not. So dude busts out his laptop and brings up the pics and I'm like...yoooooo...that chick is no African.

Dude had pulled up pics of an internet model a cousin of mine used to obsess over named Absolutely Amber. I'm talking cuz used to buy website memberships and the whole nine...One day me and cuz had attended a block party in Detroit and found out that she was a native Detroiter.

So I tell ol boy the deal and you can tell he was mad disappointed. Apparently, somebody was using the pic to try to scam money out of the guy. Fucked up right? Anywho, dude wised up.

Now what made me tell this story was that just yesterday I was watching MSNBC and Chris Hanson (of To Catch a Predator fame) had a show entitled "To Catch an I.D. Theft". And in it Chris was trying to find the center of these scams, but this was damn near impossible seeing as though once a credit card number hit the web purchases almost instantly began occurring all over the globe. So Hanson decided to set up a website store himself with the premise that you can use stolen cards there without them checking. And pretty much instantly people started buying from the site. He then saw that some of the the delivery locations were right here in the U.S.. So using a fake delivery company he delivered the packages himself and found out that older single folks are getting scammed.

Basically, the scammers send out spam letters out playing on the sympathy of the reader. After the reader bites they show them fake pics of themselves trying to set off some fake ass love connection. What follows that is that the victims are conned out of giving money and also fowarding packages to Africa, Australia, and other places. The scammers were getting over making millions of dollars. Anywho... so Chris informed some of the folks that they were getting scammed and they let him use their accounts to follow the packages. What he found was that there is a network of internet scams coming out of Nigeria. And that is just one of the cons that they run out of the country...

Small world right? be careful folks. Make folks aware if you hear any shit like this going down in your area.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Reach for it

Relationships are work... Like an actual job. Like you put in serious hours, have good and bad times, and you get paid whatever you deem to be valuable [out of the relationship]...and if you're not getting might wanna keep looking. Real Talk. But you also should make yourself knowledgeable enough [about relationships] to know if its wise to go. Meaning: there is no point in running for the hills if you'll just go through the same thing in any relationship that you would get into in the future. Realistically you should expect...some bullshit. That's just life. If you're living you're gonna go through bullshit, so naturally when you hop into the sub-folder of life that is a relationship...there will be traces of bullshit in there. Don't get mad either...because chances are you're responsible for a fraction of it...I could go on and on with this metaphor.

Contrary to this blogs somber feel I'm actually super content in my own relationship. I've hit my stride.

Big up to couples with long-term successful relationships. And to all my single folks don't be afraid to try...or not try...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

back to this Jay-z ish for a second...

Some people's logic makes no sense to me at all... So when dude puts up a bunch of images on the screen that could or could not be connected to a sect, he's evil...but when said dude (as well as many other cats) was talking about selling drugs in their community, killing folks, and exploiting women...that was fine and dandy. People are hilarious.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I was just thinking the other day...

It must be great to be a successful singer, rapper, author, etc... Thought of writing something and then witnessing people just show your words love has to be an extraordinary experience. I'm sure said feeling is at least a smidgen of the reason that so many people pursue similar exploits and or blog. We all just want to be heard. We all love acceptance/love.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

another look inside

I don't say I'm fly for you to know.I say I'm fly for me to know.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Random thought...Somehow I got to thinking about the evolution of black hair...and how basically up to the civil rights movement both black men and women did the straight hair thing commonly. Afterward dudes pretty much abandoned the straight hair look...give or take a 5 or six years of jheri curls and did he natural thing.

Now the guy in me that likes rooting for the home team would like to think that guys just held on to those lessons longer than our female counterparts...but I'd be (for the most part) wrong. Because when it comes down to it... most dudes don't do shit unless it makes them look good in the eyes of women.

So my theory is that women (again..." for the most part") just weren't having that cats went in another direction.

I haven't the slightest clue what that means for black women. I'm pretty sure that women have different motivations so the rules are different.

Again folks...this post is not to say one texture is better than momma has straight grandma...and I love them all dearly. This blog comes as most of my blogs obtain understanding. I just got to thinking about black peoples hair history and realized that not too long ago (about 40-50 years ago)black guys were rocking "the Fonz" hair cuts.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

another dope super mario post

Monday, January 11, 2010

F'd up trivial fact of the day...

Hitler invented the blow up doll.

During WWII Hitler wanted his soldiers to be able to have their needs met without getting involved with foreign women and messing up their so-called "purity". So... he ordered plastic bodied females be created for them. Blonde hair, white skin, large breasts and lips,and oh yeah...a plastic vagina.

You don't believe me...look it up. Just when you thought those damn things couldn't be any creepier, ya find out they were brainchild of quite possibly the most evil dude of the 20th century.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I gave you power

I'm a firm believer in this concept...

If enough people believe in something then it is reality

Every year parents around this planet tell their little children that on the night of December 24th Santa Claus flies from the North Pole from delivering toys to all the good little girls and boys... As we all grow to be adults eventually we come to realize that there was no fat white dude delivering those toys. It was our parents busting their asses to bring us happiness all along.

Now if you are one of those people who always think of everything in the most literal sense...then no Santa Claus doesn't exist. I on the other hand choose to differ. Santa Claus is indeed real.

Santa Claus is an institution. Every year people make billions of dollars off of his likeness and off his story. People go broke keeping the fantasy alive. Santa Claus is a driving force in our economy.

Remember : Money = Power

With that said, one whom dwells in reality must remember that we gave this fictional entity this power. We did. And if tomorrow we were all unified in denouncing this fictional entity then it would cease to exist and have power.

What am I aiming at?

I watched the "On to the Next One" video on NYE and though I was quite inebriated at the time I was like "Wow..that's a pretty dope video. On some avant garde type ish". Then the following day I'm making my rounds on the net and I see like a gang of folks losing their minds over this shit. On some... blah blah blah Jay-z worships the devil...blah blah blah Jay-z is a mason...blah blah blah blah Jay-z is apart of the illuminati. I then proceeded to revisit the video myself. And to be honest the visuals do appear to be cued by what he's saying in the song. One example of this is when he says " I used to drink crystal" they show 3 bottles of milk heavily shadowed...symbolizing a black presence on a white entity perhaps (3 being a reoccurring theme in the video to play up the Blueprint 3). He then says "but them niggas racist" and the visuals show the milk lit up revealing its whiteness.

So I'd probably be slightly naive if I were to say that the video didn't seem to be somewhat symbolic. But who's to say what any of that shit means? Many Christians are up in arms because they say that the horned skull is demonic and that the rosary between the 2 bullets is disrespectful to the which I say...who the hell said what represents the devil in the first place? When the Bible speaks on the Devils appearance in the Bible (and talk about it in animalistic sense) they either refer to him looking like a serpent or a dragon. There is no mention of a long horned cow so where is this symbolism coming from? And as far as the rosary between the 2 bullets is concerned... How is that disrespectful? Seriously. First and foremost I'm almost positive that a good majority of the folks freaking out didn't even realize it was a rosary (a religious tool specific to Catholics). This one puzzles me. Maybe one of you can help me out because I'm honestly clueless as to why someone would be offended by this. Is it that bullets are so close to the cross? What if he swapped out the bullets for bananas or liquor bottles or paint brushes...would it still be offensive? If you want to be offended, then probably so.

I'm not gonna pretend I have all the answers. When I write blogs like these it's usually in search of a deeper understanding.

I do know one thing for sure this is nothing new to me.

Friday, January 1, 2010

How to have a great New Years 101 (Jay feev edition)

1. Go early to a "Not so live party", get expectations lowered quickly, then leave.

Initially my plans for New Years Eve was to bring it in with family. At the end of my family's annual Christmas get together one of my older cousins had informed me that our aunt was renting out 2 rooms at one of the nicer casino hotels in the area. She made it seem like we'd all just come together in the rooms, eat, drink, and be merry into 2010. When I came to the rooms at 10 o'clock I didn't see none of that. What I did see though, was a gang of hyper ass children. When cuzo had pitched the party I thought to myself what are they gonna do with the kids, but I assumed they'd get a sitter before they'd bring em out to alleged festivities. I assumed wrong. And after about a half hour worth of "what the hell did we get ourselves into" glances between my girlfriend and I, we decided to get the hell out what had became the fanciest Chuck E. Cheese ever and go to another party.

2.Go to another party dressed fresher than every other guy there.

So we left the other get together telling everyone there "we were going to the club". Truth is I don't really like clubs so that was never really an option. Even when I was single clubs were never my scene. I don't really dance, the music usually sucks, and I rarely got any play...smh. But lucky me, that wasn't even an option. While driving my girl tells me we're headed to an apartment party.

As soon as we entered the party one of the hostesses took my girls coat and since I didn't come in with a coat she made a joke commenting on my freshness in the process. No biggie, but a brother likes a compliment none the less. I then look around the room and it becomes very apparent to me that I'm the freshest dude in the room. The dudes there were either rocking sweaters, sweatshirts, or those wack ass t-shirts with all those swirlies, wings, skulls, and shit. You know the ones that stamp the word "couture" on them and think that if they put a bunch of trendy shit on a shirt at the same time that makes it fashionable...Real niggas ain't falling for that shit. But I digress. Another thing I noticed is that I was being noticed. I don't know if there is a dude more clueless than me when it comes to reading signs females send, but there was only one way to read the eyes of the ones that were looking at me...I looked good.

3. Get inebriated (drunk).

Alcohol when used somewhat responsibly can make shit funner. And when I say somewhat responsibly I'm talking about
  • Everybody knows their limit
  • Everbody knows "how to drink"
  • Nobody crosses any lines while drinking
  • Everybody gets home safely after drinking
Me and the GF knew the rules and had bought liquor coming into "Chuck E Cheese". We even started drinking there...yeah I know...I know. Upon arriving at the apartment party we were pleased to see that there was a plethora of wonderful libations waiting for us. People were already "nice" when we arrived.

4. Have miscellaneous chick boost your ego.

So yeah...yadda yadda yadda freshest dude there. Was feeling good about it, was feeling better when one of the chick confirmed that my observations wasn't just my ego gassing me up. The fucked up part is, SHE WAS SOME OTHER DUDES DATE!! She basically had been shooting me glances from the time I walked in. I actually knew of the dude she came with. And as the party progressed she basically tried to get on on the sly. She introduced herself, asked to take pictures with me, and then asked if the the woman I was with was my girlfriend.

5. Have your girlfriend express her position

As soon as ol girl had got all Chuck Woolery on me, I guess the GF picked that shit up on the radar. She came immediately from across the room, kissed me, and grimmed the shit out of the miscellaneous girl. The girl then decided it was was to keep faking it out with her date...smh.

Note** This is probably the ONLY scenario where having your girl express her position is cool. Most of the time that shit comes off hella insecure.

6. Play spades and dominate

7. Take lots of pics and bond with folks

8. Get home safely

9. Smash

10. Pass thee fuck out