Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I walk with my eyes closed,
while my mind goes
bump in the night
Looking for the light switch
The right chick
I mean the right …*CLICK*
Let there be light
Let there be light quick
"Sunshine mends the rain"
Yet it seems as if I'm working the night shift
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Here is a video of the tattoo artist at work...
That's right folks...they actually tattooed the text of their issue on a human being.
It's called "Birth Squared"
I was birthed in ignorance
Rubber ducked me
I'm the one...
That got to the egg
9 months later...
Birthed in truth
The truth is hard to swallow
Doc spanked it out so I can breathe
Ignorance is bliss
18 years later
I've been choking ever since
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
With that said lemme begin the short story...
So I'm chillin at the crib right and My girl tells me that she's had a very weird day and she wants to tell me about it. And one of the stories is that one of her good male friends from high school just contacted her and told her that he is now a she. She follows up by saying that the cat actually looks pretty as a chick. I think to myself "Yeah right"
I mean we've all heard a story about those cats that has caught a dude slipping and either gotten killed or gotten their ass whupped because of it. Then you see the pic of the dude and you're like how the fuck you couldn't tell son...dude got a jaw line that you could cut a steak with...smh. Shit I know as a youngster I used to watch those Maury shows just to make sure I could tell them muh sukkas apart from the real. For the most part they were pretty easy to spot. On some fucked up Where's Waldo/ back page of Highlights type ish....
One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?
--Mr Hooper (Sesame Street)
Wait a minute muh sukka it looks like you put on ya makeup with a shotgun...MAN!!!!
Nah nigga... I've seen more authentic looking breasts in a bucket of KFC...MAN!!!!
You ain't fooling nobody son...Looking like you got a hand transplant from Barry Bonds. Ya job just called they're tired of replacing keyboards your ass is fired...MAN!!!!
Any who... fast foward back to the day in question. She says dude is pretty as a chick. I pay it no mind. Then she pulls up the cats page on Facebook and shows me. I instinctually search for a mannish characteristic and...
I didn't see one.
The shit scared the shit out of me.
Some muhsukkas need to start wearing signs or something.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
An extremely live pool table. I think it would've been liver if they made it all metal though.
One man’s misfortune can be your gain. For $1 Million (or best offer) this eBay seller will let you punch him in the face! The poor schmuck posted the listing as an attempt at making some quick cash in our current bearish economy, making the out-of-work New York banker who wore the “hire me” sandwich board look almost-respectable in comparison. From the human punching bag’s eBay listing, here’s more information:
- “I will travel to winning bidders location so he/she may punch me in the face
- You can punch me either bare knuckled or with regulation Boxing or Mixed Martial Arts glove
- I will stand perfectly still while you deliver the punch and will only wear a mouth piece for protection
- If requested, I will do my best to accomodate the winning bidder by verbally insulting them, wearing offensive clothing, wearing ‘look-a-like’ masks, etc…
- I will sign a full wavier obsolving the puncher from any damages the punch may incur upon me.”
Wow...if I hear that dude actually gets a mill I BS you not...I'm hitting up Ebay with the quickness...lol
I kinda played him out with the Dark Knight (I took my girl to see it first because he had to watch his kids on opening day...and ended up seeing it with him like after I had already seen it twice.). He's been giving me the guilt trip about ever since so I promised that I'd see Watchmen with him first like we usually do.
Anyways...So the day in question, cuzo decides to go see it early because he sensed a crowd. After all, Watchmen has had some of the best PR a movie has gotten in a grip. And after "Dark Knight" people are hungry to see another mature super hero flick.So we go in and sit down and right after us a couple and their 3 Adolescent ass kids sit right in front of us. So I'm like "FUCK! Don't these muh sukkas know this is an R movie!" Not really thinking it from a point of being responsible as much as thinking I don't want these lil muh sukkas to fuck up the movie for me. So to avoid that hassle cuzo and I go to the other side...And I dunno if we stepped on a trigger for a trap door or somthing but as soon as we sat down the theater turned into a damned day care center. I'm talking at least a good 15-20 kids all under 8 years of age.
Kids running down the aisles
Standing up in seats
Eating popcorn next to a megaphone and ish.
A pair of em sat right behind me and didn't quite get the concept of whispering. Lil muh sukkas just because you speak extra breathy doesn't make it a whisper!!! You would think dudes vocal chords were hooked up to some Rockford Fosgate 8x9s. I'm in the D though...and the fact that they were brought up in R rated flick in the first place probably means that the parents ain't got it together their damn selves...So instead of voicing my opinions I shoot em a look every now and then. Trying to tell them to "shut the hell" up through the power of telekenesis and ish.
So as the movie progress it becomes EXTREMELY obvious that Watchmen is FAR from a movie for kids. And boy did I get a kick out of. There is like a 5 minute sex scene in the flick. Just coincidently the noisy kids behind me got silent as fuck when it started going down. In fact all the kids got pretty silent. One of the kids running up in the aisles stopped mid stride. A child on the other side asked loudly "What are they doing?" And me...I laughed...LOUDLY... the entire time. Basically, my middle finger to all those parents who take their kids out to R rated flicks and eff it up for the rest of us. That's what y'all get.
As for the cats wondering how the movie is. Here's what I have to say...
- It's not the traditional superhero flick...so if you're expecting that...chances are you'll be disappointed.
- It's an extremely dark movie
- It's long (almost 3 hours)
- It's an experience: very lush visuals, it comes off more like a book than a movie
- A pretty nice soundtrack.
- I liked it.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
"My nigga" (said like Denzel in Training Day)
Just Cause I love my nigga
[You] shed blood for [me] nigga
Let a nigga holla "Where my nigga?"
[Every month] all I wanna HEAR
is "Right here my nigga."
ARF!!! ARF!!! ARF!!!
Ladies you just don't know. As much as it sucks to actually have one...to us the news of another period is like a warm hug from ma dukes.
Aww... sooooo... comforting!!!
Me: So you're saying I can continue to spend my extra dough on beer,kicks, and t-shirts!!! Good looking out!!!**Daps her up...glances at a pic of his male cousins (all of which are fathers), laughs to myself (but not too loud...as not to offend the baby gods), grabs a beer, and sits Indian style in front of the tele to watch cartoons.**